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Gracious Taurean Posted 10 years ago
Science & IT
How to not come across as rude in emails
Hello,
I am an entry level software professional working in India and I always feel that I am being misunderstood very often in emails. And it would be great if you all could guide me on some good resources for email writing.
My boss (an Indian) always complains that my emails are:
(a) Very long.
(b) Dense with details
(c) Too direct almost inviting for a confrontation
(d) Sometimes rude.
He always complains about my word choice.
Regarding the length part, I must tell you that I work in the research field and complex ideas are discussed over emails (face-to-face communication is not possible since I interact with colleagues overseas). And since my boss is always on the go, he reads them on his mobile.Mobiles have a tiny screen, and an email with even two sentences seems like a paragraph on the mobile. Everything I write seems LONG.
Personally I feel that people's attention span drastically decreases drastically once they are settled in an office job and everything seems long.
Coming to the part about being direct/almost rude, I am not sure if it is a cultural thing, but whenever he comes across a word/phrase that he has not heard of, he feels I am being "bombastic". However, I make no effort to deliberately use big/rare words. For eg, in an email to a client (with my boss copied in the mail), I once used the phrase - "just to refresh your memory" . My boss immediately pulled me up and blasted me for writing that. He felt that was too direct as if I was having an argument. I cannot understand, why that would be interpreted as an argument.
In order to avoid being too direct, I often write in the passive voice. To that, my boss says I being verbose. If I write in an active voice, I am being too direct. It is like damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't.
I am not trying to say that my emails are great and it is my egoistic boss who is the problem. I do have some issues in my emails - point accepted. And I would like to rectify that.
Could you please point me to some good resources/books on email writing. I have browsed through some books on amazon. But before I buy them, I just wanted to get some advice here. Thanks for your time and effort.
I am an entry level software professional working in India and I always feel that I am being misunderstood very often in emails. And it would be great if you all could guide me on some good resources for email writing.
My boss (an Indian) always complains that my emails are:
(a) Very long.
(b) Dense with details
(c) Too direct almost inviting for a confrontation
(d) Sometimes rude.
He always complains about my word choice.
Regarding the length part, I must tell you that I work in the research field and complex ideas are discussed over emails (face-to-face communication is not possible since I interact with colleagues overseas). And since my boss is always on the go, he reads them on his mobile.Mobiles have a tiny screen, and an email with even two sentences seems like a paragraph on the mobile. Everything I write seems LONG.
Personally I feel that people's attention span drastically decreases drastically once they are settled in an office job and everything seems long.
Coming to the part about being direct/almost rude, I am not sure if it is a cultural thing, but whenever he comes across a word/phrase that he has not heard of, he feels I am being "bombastic". However, I make no effort to deliberately use big/rare words. For eg, in an email to a client (with my boss copied in the mail), I once used the phrase - "just to refresh your memory" . My boss immediately pulled me up and blasted me for writing that. He felt that was too direct as if I was having an argument. I cannot understand, why that would be interpreted as an argument.
In order to avoid being too direct, I often write in the passive voice. To that, my boss says I being verbose. If I write in an active voice, I am being too direct. It is like damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't.
I am not trying to say that my emails are great and it is my egoistic boss who is the problem. I do have some issues in my emails - point accepted. And I would like to rectify that.
Could you please point me to some good resources/books on email writing. I have browsed through some books on amazon. But before I buy them, I just wanted to get some advice here. Thanks for your time and effort.
Top answer
Gracious Taurean I once used the phrase - "just to refresh your memory" . My boss immediately pulled me up and blasted me for writing that. That needn't be rude at all.
- Gracious Taurean I once used the phrase - "just to refresh your memory" .
- My boss immediately pulled me up and blasted me for writing that.
- That needn't be rude at all.
- However, without knowing the broader context/background, I cannot really tell you why your boss came to that conclusion.
- Can you post a longer piece of text that your boss thought was inappropriate?
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7 Answers
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Gracious TaureanI once used the phrase - "just to refresh your memory" . My boss immediately pulled me up and blasted me for writing that.That needn't be rude at all. However, without knowing the broader context/background, I cannot really tell you why your boss came to that conclusion.
Can you post a longer piece of text that your boss thought was inappr
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The phrase "just to refresh your memory" is indeed rude and confrontational. Better to say something like:
"You may/might/could/maybe have forgotten..."
In scientific/technical writing the passive voice is often used, for example:
"You maybe have forgotten that the program was installed prior to..."
"You may/might/could/maybe have forgotten..."
In scientific/technical writing the passive voice is often used, for example:
"You maybe have forgotten that the program was installed prior to..."
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AnonymousThe phrase "just to refresh your memory" is indeed rude and confrontational.I disagree. It depends on one's relationship and familiarity with their boss.
Anonymous"You may/might/could/maybe have forgotten..."This is presumptive and more likely to be interpreted as being rude!
And "could have forgotten" isn't n
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I'm a native English speaker in the US. Having grown up with the language, and moreover, gone to school in the US, we native speakers know things that a non-native speaker, no matter how advanced, will never know. Your syntax indicates an advanced, but non-native, speaker. You should defer to the native speakers in questions on the fine points of the language.
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AnonymousI'm a native English speaker in the US. Having grown up with the language, and moreover, gone to school in the US, we native speakers know things that a non-native speaker, no matter how advanced, will never know. Your syntax indicates an advanced, but non-native, speaker. You should defer to the native speakers in questions on the fine points of the language.
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AnonymousI'm a native English speaker in the US. [...] You should defer to the native speakers in questions on the fine points of the language.If we took the word of every anonymous poster who suggested we defer to them, we would be in a fine pickle.
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I should just like to add that ,after nearly seven years of posting in several language forums. and having been a moderator in two, I know that some non-native speakers regularly give more helpful responses in forums than some native speakers.
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