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Perfect Stranger Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

How to make it sound better in English no. 17

Dear All,

Could someone please help me improve these short paragraphs? The highlighted parts are those I'm not sure about but apart from those I'd like to improve the whole sentences as well.

1) To my surprise and disappointment, Jane's performance decreased over the last 2 months. Jane has been late to the class quite often and turned some assignments late (in order to avoid double late perhaps I should say after due time?) She definitely needs to improve on those. (not sure if I can finish the sentence like that)

2) Kate's performance fluctuates from class to class. Her participation is quite inconsistent as well. At this point it's difficult to say what the outcome might be but Jane has to put more effort into her work if she wants to reach for an A.

3) Coco's in-class participation has increased by a few degrees. There's still some space for improvement though. Nonetheless, her writing reflects her maturity and seems to be Coco's greatest strength. (this whole sentence sounds a bit awkward)

Thanks
  

Top answer

Here are my suggestions. 1) To my surprise and disappointment, Jane's performance decreased over the last 2 months. ) She definitely needs to improve on those .

  • Here are my suggestions.
  • 1) To my surprise and disappointment, Jane's performance decreased over the last 2 months.
  • ) She definitely needs to improve on those .
  • (not sure if I can finish the sentence like that) To my surprise and disappointment, Jane's performance has deteriorated over the last 2 months.
  • She has been late in getting to class and in turning in her assignments.
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2 Answers
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Here are my suggestions.

1) To my surprise and disappointment, Jane's performance decreased over the last 2 months. Jane has been late to the class quite often and turned some assignments late (in order to avoid double late perhaps I should say after due time?) She definitely needs to improve on those. (not sure if I can finish the sent
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Thank you Doctor D! I'm much obliged!

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