How to improve this proposal?

Question

I am practicing for the CAE , this a proposal and i would like to know if can help me with any advice or critic you have .
Introduction
The principal aim of this proposal is to give advice on oral presentations.
It also suggests varied ways in which problems related to this can be overcome.
Current situation
As part of their final assessment, students have to give a spoken presentation, which according to the results of interviews i conducted with a random selection of students, is causing them trouble in various ways.
Here are two of the more important ones:
* panic when being in front of an audience
* feeling unprepared
Recommendations
I suggest that we give inspirational speeches to the students on what are the many advantages of mastering ours communication skills, thus they will go to great lengths to conquer the fear of public speaking.
We should also create more events in which students could have the chance to practice more, by doing this they would be more confident and prepared.
Conclusion
Clearly speaking in public without problems is a matter of practice. Therefore there should be no delay in generating more opportunities for students, to do so we should also teach them the importance of being able to express one's ideas in public, in order to engage them so they want to work harder.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You should separate your text into paragraphs and sentences. Doing so makes reading long text like yours, much easier. Once you have done that, you can post it here again.

Sho Ricardo Arata Higa · Answer

Introduction

The principal aim of this proposal is to give advice on oral presentations.

It also suggests varied ways in which problems related to this can be overcome.

Current situation

As part of their final assessment, students have to give a spoken presentation, which according to the results of interviews i conducted with a random selection of students, is causing them trouble in various ways.

Here are the two most important ones:

* panic when being in front of an audience

* feeling unprepared

Recommendations

I suggest that we give inspirational speeches to the students , on what are the many advantages of mastering ours communication skills, thus they will go to great lengths to conquer the fear of public speaking.

We should also create more events in which students could have the chance to practice more, by doing this they would be more confident and prepared.

Conclusion

Clearly speaking in public without problems is a matter of practice. Therefore there should be no delay in generating more opportunities for students, to do so .

we should also teach them , the importance of being able to express one's ideas in public, in order to engage them so they want to work harder and imrpove for themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

Sho Ricardo Arata HigaAs part of their final assessment, students have to give a spoken presentation, which according to the results of interviews i conducted

That should be a capital, letter I.

Sho Ricardo Arata HigaI suggest that we give inspirational speeches to the students , on

You should close the gap between the word students and the comma.

Sho Ricardo Arata Higawhat are the many advantages of mastering ours communication skills,

what the many advantages of mastering our communication skills are,

Sho Ricardo Arata Higathus they will go to great lengths to conquer the fear of public speaking.

so they will go to great lengths to conquer their fear of public speaking.

Sho Ricardo Arata Higawe should also teach them , the importance of being able to express one's ideas in public, in order to engage them so they want to work harder and imrpove for themselves.

We should also teach them, the importance of being able to express one's ideas in public, in order to engage them so they want to work harder and improve for themselves.

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