How to connect this awkward sentence?

Question

Hi, I am wrapping up my essay for medical schools but I am stuck with one sentence that I just can't seem to make flow well. This is a great forum and I am wondering if I can get some ideas on how to reword it. So here it is...

"......

As the daughter of a nurse and public health worker, I grew up during a time when medical staff and resources were limited, and I saw little of my parents. I would wake up early every morning and ride my bicycle five miles to school through the sizzling hot summers and bitingly cold winters. After school, whenever I could, I would ride to the hospital where my mother worked and follow her as she made her rounds. It was those afternoons that silently sowed the seed of my passion for medicine.

The hospital’s clinic accommodated almost a thousand patients every day, with ......"

The sentence highlighted in blue.. does it sound weird to you? I have several different ways of saying it, but none of them seemed to be satisfying.

1. It was those afternoons that silently sowed the seed of my passion for medicine.
2. It was during those afternoons that the seed of my passion for medicine was silently sowed.
3. The seeds of my passion for medicine were silently sown during those afternoons.

Any suggestions? I am at my wits end here. Thank you so much!

Clive · Accepted Answer

What you have written in blue seems fine to me. Personal. Eloquent.

I'd recommend seeds.

Flowersun2013 · Answer

Thank you Clive for confirming that the original way was OK. I changed "seed" to "seeds." Thank you! <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/74.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/74.gif' alt='Emotion: bow'/>

Rpels · Answer

As the daughter of a nurse and public health worker, I grew up during the time when medical staff and resources were limited, seeing little of my parents.

/Every morning, I would ride my bicycle miles through the sizzling hot summers and bitingly cold winters/.

After school, whenever I could, I would ride to the hospital where my mother worked and follow her as she made her rounds.

/Silently, those afternoons sowed the seeds of my passion for medicines/

/*The hospital’s clinic accommodated around thousand patients a day, with ......"*/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Rpels;

I have no idea which sentence you are asking about. Here are some suggestions:

I grew up in the times when medical staff and resources were limited, so I saw very little of my parents because they were tending to their many patients. The hospital where they worked was large and the clinic always crowded.
After school, whenever I could, I would ride my bicycle to the hospital and follow my mother as she made her rounds. It was on those afternoons, observing my mother's healing touches, that the seeds of my passion for medicine were sown.

Rpels · Answer

First i should ask an 'apology'' for putting my question in way that seem confusing to others.

I want to know if the sentence in 'bold' are grammatically correct.

This paragraph was posted by some other member; I am rewriting it with a few amends to check if I'm correct.
Kindly go through it and please provide your feedback.

As the daughter of a nurse and public health worker, I grew up at times when medical staff and resources were limited, seeing little of my parents.

Every morning, I would ride my bicycle miles through the sizzling hot summers and bitingly cold winters.

After school, if I could ride to the hospital where my mother worked, I would follow her as she made her rounds.

Silently, those afternoons sowed the seeds of my passion for medicines

The hospital’s clinic accommodated around thousand patients a day, with ......"

Below are the sentence as originally written by this member

As the daughter of a nurse and public health worker, I grew up during a time when medical staff and resources were limited, and I saw little of my parents.

I would wake up early every morning and ride my bicycle five miles to school through the sizzling hot summers and bitingly cold winters.

After school, whenever I could, I would ride to the hospital where my mother worked and follow her as she made her rounds.

It was those afternoons that silently sowed the seed of my passion for medicine.

The hospital’s clinic accommodated almost a thousand patients every day, with ......"

Rpels · Answer

I sincerely apologize again.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

rpelsI grew up at times when medical staff and resources were limited, seeing little of my parents.

I grew up in times when medical staff and resources were limited, seeing little of my parents.

rpelsEvery morning, I would ride my bicycle miles through the sizzling hot summers and bitingly cold winters.

OK

rpelsAfter school, if I could ride to the hospital where my mother worked, I would follow her as she made her rounds.

OK

rpelsSilently, those afternoons sowed the seeds of my passion for medicines

Medicines are pills or tonics that you swallow.
Afternoons don't plant seeds. Birds, animals and people do that.

rpelsThe hospital’s clinic accommodated around thousand patients a day.

OK

Rpels · Answer

Thank you so much, your explanation on my queries always make me learn new things.

Anonymous · Answer

Hi when i'm not sure of the grammar i go into grammar check on my computer
HOPE THIS HELPS
Katrina

AlpheccaStars · Answer

AnonymousHi when i'm not sure of the grammar i go into grammar check on my computerHOPE THIS HELPSKatrina

Thank you Katrina. Did you put your post through the grammar checker?

How to connect this awkward sentence?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions