How to be charming

Question

I just read this on another list:"Charm is most often used by con-artists and liars."Made me wonder about charm. What is it? What do charming people do that un-charmers don't do? How would you write a character so that readers would find him or her charming?Lois

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]I just read this on another list: "Charm is most often used by con-artists and liars."[/nq]
I think the key word there is "used" genuine charm just *is* and isn't used in a calculated manner in fact the people who have it often aren't really aware that they do, or how it affects the rest of us.
[nq:1]Made me wonder about charm. What is it? What do charming people do that un-charmers don't do? How would you write a character so that readers would find him or her charming?[/nq]
I think charm is akin to attractiveness. You are just drawn to people who have it. They spread a kind of pixie dust all around them and make the world a lighter, brighter, warmer and more nurturing place. It's a rare quality and it should never be taken for granted.

We are all of us failures, at least, the best of us are. James M. Barrie

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Made me wonder about charm. What is it?[/nq]
I think charm is what induces a person to be comfortable, to be uninhibited, to relax, to feel safe. I think charm can be created by something that fits an innocent ideal (e.g. a down-home Southern lawyer in a courtroom) when such an contemplation of such an ideal serves as an escape from the perceived ambiguity and nihilism of normal life; by something that is both nice and utterly devoid of pretext (e.g. a tastefully decorated bed and breakfast; and/or by something that is perceived to make an effort to put someone at ease without a hidden motive (e.g. a waitress saying nice things to a patron).

Usenet · Answer

I dunno.
I had an uncle who spent most of his life as a guest of the federal penal system. His particular skill was hanging paper.
When I was just out of high school, Uncle Pat was just out of the pen. I sold him a car and never saw him again.
About six moths later, I got a thank you note (forwarded from a previous address) from the family of a person in Colorado whom I'd never heard of. Two days later I got the nicest letter from a florist in the town that the person I'd never heard of had lived.
A week later, two guys in bad black suits knocked at my door. When they asked for "Joe Myers" and I told 'em it was me, they were obviously disappointed, since all the efforts and experience and skill of the FBI had led them to my uncle, not me.
Turns out, he found a check book pad for a long-closed account underneath the back seat of the car I'd sold him.
I got 24 thank-you notes from assorted dead people's families in small towns in Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, and North Dakota, thanking me for the loving tribute that was sent to a loved one's funeral...all followed a couple of days later by florists in small towns in Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, and North Dakota. The most remarkable element of all those letters from florists was their consistency. "We know it must be some kind of mistake, but the check you wrote...for $500 over the arrangement you ordered for the (...fill in the family's name here...) funeral came back as a 'closed account.' We're sure you will take care of.."

I'm the kind of guy who has to show ID when I pay with cash, but my pasty ex-con uncle could cruise into a small town, pick up the local newspaper, check out the obituary column, and waltz into a florist, order a showy arrangement, and write a check for $500 over the cost...and the people he'd bilked were sure that the bank or somebody had made a mistake.

There were twenty-five checks in the pad. The last one was written to a car dealer for a brand new Ford pick-up truck, which my uncle sold 30 miles down the road for cash money.
At the time, my uncle was in his late 50s-early 60s. He wasn't, by any conventional measure, "attractive." But he was a helluva con man. I can only imagine the patter he laid down on those small town florists that convinced him to pay out a significant amount of cash on the basis of an out-of-state check. And the letters they sent to "him," almost without exception, that they were sure* there must be some mistake. No way, they thought, could *that guy write a bad check.
I never saw Uncle Pat again. I looked him up and he died in stir.

My mom doesn't like to talk about her late brother. She says that her mother bailed him out of all sorts of scams he got himself into when he was a kid.
The only comparison I can make is the time I met Ewing Kaufman, the late owner of the Kansas City Royals who became a billionaire in the pharmaceutical industry. When I met Kaufman, his behavior made me feel as if *I* was the one reason he'd gotten out of bed that morning. ****. What a hellluva salesman he must have been.
I've recently rediscovered James Randi's web site. There was a recent post from a skeptic who'd seen a department store Santa Claus at work. The "Santa" knew the poster's kids' names the moment they sat on his lap. He told the big brother to stop bullying his younger brother. Santa told the little brother to keep his room neater. The father said he happened to talk to "Santa" later and "Santa" said, "All kids need to keep their rooms neater and all big brothers tend to be bullies. And, if you're paying attention, you'll hear parents call their kids by name as they're waiting in line."

Charm?
Charisma?
Maybe it's just paying attention.
Joe Myers
"I'm sorry. What was the question?"

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I just read this on another list: "Charm is most often used by con-artists and liars." Made me wonder about ... that un-charmers don't do? How would you write a character so that readers would find him or her charming? Lois[/nq]
Lois, didn't anyone ever tell you not to squeeze the charmin?

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I just read this on another list: "Charm is most often used by con-artists and liars." Made me wonder about ... that un-charmers don't do? How would you write a character so that readers would find him or her charming? Lois[/nq]
All of which brings up the question, What's the difference between charm and charisma?
Caroline

Usenet · Answer

So you're thinking maybe it's charisma? The origin of "charm" of course is the ability to cast a magical spell to enchant someone into seeing attractive qualities that are not really there, so there's a kind of willed flasehood embedded in the idea, rather than just the notion of a natural attractiveness. Maybe that's why "charming" people are often considered untrustworthy.

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[nq:1]All of which brings up the question, What's the difference between charm and charisma?[/nq]
$40
Doug
How's that mental image coming along now, Caroline?

Just a virtual guy... in a virtual world

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[nq:2]All of which brings up the question, What's the difference between charm and charisma?[/nq]
[nq:1]$40 Doug How's that mental image coming along now, Caroline?[/nq]
Mercenary, but affordable. Doug, are you sure you're putting your heart into this?

Usenet · Answer

Interesting question. Lois, you are the empress of interesting questions. Have you read "Barefaced Messiah", a charming ofttimes humorous, ofttimes shocking, account of one of America's quintessential con-men? You can read it for free at this website:
http://www.clambake.org/archive/books/bfm/bfmconte.htm

People seem to root against me more than for me. So, I don't think I'm a great charmer, myself. Even Belfagor a dog! fares better than me in that area.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]I just read this on another list: "Charm is most ... so that readers would find him or her charming? Lois[/nq]
[nq:1]All of which brings up the question, What's the difference between charmand charisma? Caroline[/nq]
Charm is $3,305.23 for a used car worth $2200 max. Charisma is $30,000,000 for appearing in a movie.

How to be charming

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