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Spooner Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

How does this sentence read?

On the days when he came home drunk, not knowing what he would do to us, we would run away from the house, while he was gone to the bathroom, after packing only a few clothes.

Hi,

Would you check the sentence above in terms of how well it reads for the natives and also in terms of grammar?

Thanks
  

Top answer

On the days when he came home drunk, not knowing what he would do to us, we would quickly pack a few clothes and run away from the house while he was in the bathroom.

  • On the days when he came home drunk, not knowing what he would do to us, we would quickly pack a few clothes and run away from the house while he was in the bathroom.
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2 Answers
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On the days when he came home drunk, not knowing what he would do to us, we would quickly pack a few clothes and run away from the house while he was in the bathroom.
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Thanks for the beautiful rewrite.

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