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Ellee Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
How does it sound to a native speaker?
I'm translating a text into English. It's about nomads. How does that sound to you? Can you help me make it sound better and not odd if it does?
"A covered wagon was being slowly pulled across the steppe by a yoke of oxen. ? saddled horse was stepping after the wagon.
There was a hot sun hanging above the steppe burnt with a torrid heat. Worn out by the heat, the oxen were going, glumly hanging their heads, midges were circling above their wet backs, the stalks of feather grass – derisoon – were drily rustling under the wheels. (Maybe I should put semicolons between the clauses?)
Oeloon was sitting in the back of the wagon. Sweat drops were rolling down her childishly round face and falling onto the skirt(s) of her silk robe, her wedding attire (dress). Oeloon’s eyes were wide open, but she didn’t see neither the grey panicles of derisoon, nor a cloud above the steppe, she didn’t feel the heat – she was far away, where her mother and brothers, her childhood games and plays had been left."
"A covered wagon was being slowly pulled across the steppe by a yoke of oxen. ? saddled horse was stepping after the wagon.
There was a hot sun hanging above the steppe burnt with a torrid heat. Worn out by the heat, the oxen were going, glumly hanging their heads, midges were circling above their wet backs, the stalks of feather grass – derisoon – were drily rustling under the wheels. (Maybe I should put semicolons between the clauses?)
Oeloon was sitting in the back of the wagon. Sweat drops were rolling down her childishly round face and falling onto the skirt(s) of her silk robe, her wedding attire (dress). Oeloon’s eyes were wide open, but she didn’t see neither the grey panicles of derisoon, nor a cloud above the steppe, she didn’t feel the heat – she was far away, where her mother and brothers, her childhood games and plays had been left."
Top answer
Hello, Ellee—and welcome to English Forums. You'll need to do more revising and recasting to turn a translation into natural English. A covered wagon was being slowly pulled across the steppe by a yoke of oxen , and a saddled horse was pacing behind .
- Hello, Ellee—and welcome to English Forums.
- You'll need to do more revising and recasting to turn a translation into natural English.
- A covered wagon was being slowly pulled across the steppe by a yoke of oxen , and a saddled horse was pacing behind .
- The sun burned above the torrid steppe.
- Worn down by the heat , the oxen glumly hung their heads, midges hovered above their sweaty backs, and stalks of derisoon or feather gras s rustled drily under the wheels.
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1 Answers
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Hello, Ellee—and welcome to English Forums.
You'll need to do more revising and recasting to turn a translation into natural English.
A covered wagon was being slowly pulled across the steppe by a yoke of oxen, and a saddled horse was pacing behind. The sun burned above the torrid steppe. Worn down by the heat, the oxen glumly
You'll need to do more revising and recasting to turn a translation into natural English.
A covered wagon was being slowly pulled across the steppe by a yoke of oxen, and a saddled horse was pacing behind. The sun burned above the torrid steppe. Worn down by the heat, the oxen glumly
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