How do you shorten this sentence.

Question

As you can see Baz Luhrmann’s version of the death scene of Romeo and Juliet shows their tragic deaths ending in a church, Juliet fakes her death by the poison Friar Lawrence gave her which made Juliet have no warmth and no breath, it was as if she was in a pleasant sleep or even death but then arises 20 hours later, although Romeo ends up poisoning himself because of the thought that Juliet was dead, however Juliet decides to shoot herself because of the death of Romeo.

Clive · Accepted Answer

What you have here is several sentences all stuffed incorrectly into one long sentence that is full of errors.
You need to try to rewrite this as a series of short sentences, each one stating with a capital letter and ending with a period.

If you try, I'll be happy to check it again.

If yu want to make it all shorter, leave out some of the details. Do you really need to tell the reader the whole detailed story of Romeo and Juliet?

Clive

BarbaraPA · Answer

I'm pretty sure Shakespeare never wrote anything about Juliet shooting herself, either.

Clive · Answer

Yes, but Baz Luhrmann’s version of the death scene has Juliet shoot herself in the head!

Clive

BarbaraPA · Answer

Umm... who?? (I had assumed it was a director, not that someone rewrote the ending. But I guess it doesn't matter. Dead is dead.)

CalifJim · Answer

CliveYes, but Baz Luhrmann’s version of the death scene has Juliet shoot herself in the head!

I'm so glad I didn't see that.

What will they think of next? Diving into a wood chipper (Fargo)?

CJ

CalifJim · Answer

BarbaraPADead is dead.

Tell that to the prez.

CJ

How do you shorten this sentence.

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