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MyShirley Posted 20 years ago
Grammar

How do you make this sentence better?

0According to the objectives from the CDC, the new senior music education should aim at 1) developing students’ creative abilities and musical abilities, 2) cultivating their aesthetic abilities, 3) extending their knowledge on different kinds of musical cultures, 4) helping them communicate with others effectively using music, 6) helping them cultivate positive attitudes towards and values of music, 6) helping music students further their study on music and work in a music-related career, and 7) promoting music as a life-long career. 02br
02br
00Thank you very much.0-
  

Top answer

0I am having a hard time reading your current sentence. Isn't this much easier to read? 05001blockquote 01cite 10MyShirley12cite 11span 10According to the objectives from the CDC, the aims of the new senior music education should include:12span 11ol 11li 11span 10developing students’ creative abilities and musical abilities, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10cultivating their aesthetic abilities, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10extending their knowledge on different kinds of musical cultures, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10helping them communicate with others effectively using music, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10helping them cultivate positive attitudes towards and values of music, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10helping music students further their study on music and work in a music-related career12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10promoting music as a life-long career.

— Philologist

  • 0I am having a hard time reading your current sentence.
  • Isn't this much easier to read?
  • 05001blockquote 01cite 10MyShirley12cite 11span 10According to the objectives from the CDC, the aims of the new senior music education should include:12span 11ol 11li 11span 10developing students’ creative abilities and musical abilities, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10cultivating their aesthetic abilities, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10extending their knowledge on different kinds of musical cultures, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10helping them communicate with others effectively using music, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10helping them cultivate positive attitudes towards and values of music, 12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10helping music students further their study on music and work in a music-related career12br 12span 12li 11li 11span 10promoting music as a life-long career.
  • 12span 12li 12ol 10 12blockquote 10 010id1
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3 Answers
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0I am having a hard time reading your current sentence. Isn't this much easier to read? 05001blockquote
01cite10MyShirley12cite11span10According to the objectives from the CDC, the aims of the new senior music education should include:12span11ol
    11li
  1. 11span10dev
0
0
0Hi,02br
02br
00I'd prefer to speak of 01font00the aims of the new senior music education02font00 01font01i00program.02i00 00Or perhaps00 01i00curriculum02i00, or00 01i00plan02i02font01i00.02i02br
0
0
1font00Building on the above suggestions--02font02br
02br
00According to the objectives from the CDC, the aims of the new senior music program should include:02br
01ol
    02br
    01li
  1. 00developing students’ creative abilities and musical skills, 02br
    02br
    01li
  2. 00cultivating their aesth
0

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