How do I write properly? can somebody spot anything for correction?

I will be pursuing my master in Human Nutrition in University of Glasgow. I am very motivated to become a good dietitian and academician since I learned the fact that this course is making us work closer to our community. I believe the experience that I will acquire would help me in building my confidence to land a good career in this field.

One of my biggest concerns is the health condition of Malaysian. Malaysia has the sixth highest number of obese adults in Asia, based on the World Health Organisation (WHO) Report 2010. In addition to that, Dr Tee E Siong, President of National Society of Malaysia (NSM), highlighted that almost half of all adult Malaysians are overweight or obese; almost a third of primary schoolchildren are overweight or obese; and almost 15% of preschool children are overweight. Apart from that, the prevalence of metabolic syndrome and its associated risk factors is alarmingly high among the adult population in Malaysia (Wan Mohamud, et al. 2012). According to Third National Health and Morbidity Survey (NHMS III) in 2006, the prevalence of obesity, hypertension and diabetes has escalated tremendously over the last 10 years, in tandem with the country’s rapid urbanization and improved socioeconomic. Inevitable, this will have serious implications on the country’s health care costs. The cases have become of national concern, so much so, that it occupies a great deal of editorial space, and has government attention for reduction. While the cases are overwhelming, till now, effective intervention is still scarce.

During my internship, I found that obesity is a difficult case to handle. Follow-up often confirms no progress for the majority of patients. Many of these obese children are referred to physiotherapists, and while that is a good plan, that is only one component of an action plan to help solve the problem. Being a dietitian in my hometown, where fast food is easily accessible and available, obesity is a complex mechanism that I need to understand with further study, a skill that I would treasure most while I study in the so-called prestige university in Glasgow,UK. I learned that the only way to become a good dietitian was by critically assessing the worth of the research upon which our clinical practice is based. The ability to understand evidence based nutrition and keep up with latest advances in nutrition and health would benefit my country very much. I am convinced that this will become an added value to implement the most robust intervention to my community.