How do I rewrite/revamp this thesis?

Question

This paper will explain why an alcohol-dependent person seeks other drugs, such as nicotine, the combined affect of these choices on the body, and why a recovering alcoholic should also quit smoking.

KrisBlueNZ · Accepted Answer

"This paper will explain why an alcohol-dependent person seeks other drugs, such as nicotine, the combined affect of these choices on the body, and why a recovering alcoholic should also quit smoking."

AFFECT should be EFFECT. The difference in usage is quite subtle, and in my opinion is one of the most indefensible idiosyncracies of English. Look up AFFECT EFFECT on this web site or using google.

CHOICES could be replaced with DRUGS or CHEMICALS.

Small point: your use of commas is not ideal. The commas after NICOTINE and BODY are at a "higher level", grammatically, than the comma after DRUGS. The words "such as nicotine" are a parenthetical comment on the previous clause in the sentence. You could put those words in parentheses (without the comma before), and leave the other two commas, or perhaps replace the other two commas with semicolons, or just remove the comma before SUCH. Any of these changes will clarify the grammatical hierarchy of the sentence.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

This paper will explain why an alcohol-dependent person seeks other drugs, such as nicotine, the combined affect of these choices on the body, and why a recovering alcoholic should also quit smoking.

Have a look at the definitions of the word 'thesis' here.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/thesis

I prefer wording that is more in the form of a proposition that your paper will seek to prove.
eg An alcohol-dependent person seeks other drugs, because . . . . (summarize the main reasons you will explore). . . , despite the negative affects of these choices on the body.

Your original statement seems to me almost to deal with three distinct issues.

Clive

How do I rewrite/revamp this thesis?

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