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Sarah_92 Posted 18 years ago
Grammar
How do i create TENSION, and build anticipation in my story??
I need to write a short story for my GCSE and i'm having difficulty effectively configuring the last paragraph. My teacher says i need to build tension at the start of the paragraph and maybe generating a sympathetic response in the end.....as well as i feel the last sentence's structure and word order needs reviewing.)
ENDING: (after a disastrous tornado)
It ripped through our house with a terrible noise; all we could hear was the deafening noise of the tornado. My heart was pounding as I grabbed Chris and ran towards the door, where could we go that was safe? I felt so terrified but I had to show to my brother that I was brave; we launched through the door and into what was left of our town. We had got out with no plan and no idea of what we were going to do, but to run as fast as our legs could carry us. We ran, and ran but was it really any use? The tornado making it a constant struggle for movement, we eventually pulled towards an upright car, we had to get out of here, no matter what! I heard the faint sounds of a scream, and forgot all about the car, where was Chris! I turned to find him being forced ever nearer to the tornado "Oh no...” tears streaming rapidly down my face as I began to move towards Chris, but it was too late... I heard the last scream of terror. He was sucked into the ruthless beast. He forced us apart, ferociously tearing Chris in the opposite direction. Blood was everywhere. Once there was a small town. But now, a pile of destruction replaced it.
(Chris is main characters, little sibling)
Thank you,
ENDING: (after a disastrous tornado)
It ripped through our house with a terrible noise; all we could hear was the deafening noise of the tornado. My heart was pounding as I grabbed Chris and ran towards the door, where could we go that was safe? I felt so terrified but I had to show to my brother that I was brave; we launched through the door and into what was left of our town. We had got out with no plan and no idea of what we were going to do, but to run as fast as our legs could carry us. We ran, and ran but was it really any use? The tornado making it a constant struggle for movement, we eventually pulled towards an upright car, we had to get out of here, no matter what! I heard the faint sounds of a scream, and forgot all about the car, where was Chris! I turned to find him being forced ever nearer to the tornado "Oh no...” tears streaming rapidly down my face as I began to move towards Chris, but it was too late... I heard the last scream of terror. He was sucked into the ruthless beast. He forced us apart, ferociously tearing Chris in the opposite direction. Blood was everywhere. Once there was a small town. But now, a pile of destruction replaced it.
(Chris is main characters, little sibling)
Thank you,
Top answer
It ripped through our house with a terrible noise; all we could hear was the deafening noise of the tornado. My heart was pounding as I grabbed Chris and ran towards the door . Where could we go that was safe?
- It ripped through our house with a terrible noise; all we could hear was the deafening noise of the tornado.
- My heart was pounding as I grabbed Chris and ran towards the door .
- Where could we go that was safe?
- I felt so terrified but I had to show to my brother that I was brave; we launched through the door and into what was left of our town.
- We had got out with no plan and no idea of what we were going to do, but to run as fast as our legs could carry us.
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1 Answers
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It ripped through our house with a terrible noise; all we could hear was the deafening noise of the tornado. My heart was pounding as I grabbed Chris and ran towards the door. Where could we go that was safe? I felt so terrified but I had to show
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