how can i make my essay more convincing?

hi, my friends

would u please give me some suggestions how can i make my essay more convincing? I guess the conclusion is not strong enough.

topic:

It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value.

my response:

There is a general debate over the question who gives society something of lasting value? The speaker under the title statement claims that it is artist, in stead of the critic, the value creator. In my opinion, I agree with the statement for the three major reasons discussed in the following.

It is the artist, who creates original ideas. Without artists, can critics make society more colorful, by offering new ideas? I do not think so. For example, can critics bring us a golden time in western music history as romantic composer Chopin, Schumann, Schubert, Lists did? Without those ingenious composers, western music would pause at the stage when the music style of Beethoven and Bach is popular. Therefore, the beautiful and colorful music works at the time were brought by those artists, not by critics.

Additionally, it is artist, who makes progress for society. When an artist had a new idea, he always put it into practice. And sometimes, this original idea is very beneficial to society. For example, one hundred years ago, it was in the Bauhaus Architecture School in Germany that modern architecture was given birth to. From then on, architects graduated from the famous school began to try on every possible forms of architecture, which would better meet the need of modern people. Thus, because of the progress made by those architects, today we can live in such modern building such as skyscraper and shopping mall, and those buildings make to our daily lives much convenient. In this way, developments are usually made by genius artists.

Further more, it is artist, who establishes the standard of evaluation. Architecture again can serves as typical example. It was not until Delong the famous French Architect that the critics in architecture world began to recognize the importance of difference space structures in any architecture work. Delong claimed that it is always the division of space that decide the function and effectiveness of a building. Also, based on Delong's pioneering work, critics could find the standard to differentiate theoretically the traditional buildings in western culture and eastern culture. Therefore, standard of critics' evaluation is made possible by artists.

However, it should be admitted that critics help public realize the value created by artists. For instance, through critics' review, audiences know why Chopin is a composer belonged to Romantic Time, but Beethoven is not.

In sum, I concur that value created by artists is often made known to public by critics. However, it must be noted that it is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value.