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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
How can I improve this sentence?
Hi!
Please take look at the sentence. It seams a bit clumsy, especially the ending. Can I improve it somehow?
We hereby request the assistance from the municipality in order to involve Social Affairs Administration so that it would be possible to examine circumstances detailed in the application of the child, Jane Smith, and to examine whether basic needs of the children (including rights to an education) are fulfilled, and to avert violence of any type, as well as the violence risks, and that the children would receive necessary support and assistance.
Thanks a lot!
Please take look at the sentence. It seams a bit clumsy, especially the ending. Can I improve it somehow?
We hereby request the assistance from the municipality in order to involve Social Affairs Administration so that it would be possible to examine circumstances detailed in the application of the child, Jane Smith, and to examine whether basic needs of the children (including rights to an education) are fulfilled, and to avert violence of any type, as well as the violence risks, and that the children would receive necessary support and assistance.
Thanks a lot!
Top answer
Let me just give you my version. We hereby request the Municipality to assist us in having Social Affairs Administration examine the circumstances detailed in the application of Jane Smith, a child. This includes reviewing whether the basic needs of the children (including their right to an education) are being fulfilled, and whether they are safe from violence or the risk of violence of any type.
- Let me just give you my version.
- We hereby request the Municipality to assist us in having Social Affairs Administration examine the circumstances detailed in the application of Jane Smith, a child.
- This includes reviewing whether the basic needs of the children (including their right to an education) are being fulfilled, and whether they are safe from violence or the risk of violence of any type.
- Finally, we wish to insure that the children receive all the necessary support and assistance to which they are entitled.
- ) Does this help?
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1 Answers
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Let me just give you my version.
We hereby request the Municipality to assist us in having Social Affairs Administration examine the circumstances detailed in the application of Jane Smith, a child. This includes reviewing whether the basic needs of the children (including their right to an education) are being fulfilled, and whether they are safe from violence or the risk of viol
We hereby request the Municipality to assist us in having Social Affairs Administration examine the circumstances detailed in the application of Jane Smith, a child. This includes reviewing whether the basic needs of the children (including their right to an education) are being fulfilled, and whether they are safe from violence or the risk of viol
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