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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

How can I gramatically improve this sentence?

Hi!
How can I gramatically improve this sentence?

Pursuant to the print-out from the international bank transfer system SWIFT, JSC “XXXX” on August 18, 2011 transferred EUR 10 000, on August 31, 2011 transferred EUR 15 000 and on October 29, 2014 transferred 5000 to the Austrian Central Bank account of the Company "XXXX", credit institution registered in Austria.

Thanks!
  

Top answer

Here are my suggestions: According to the [enclosed] print-out from SWIFT, the international bank transfer system, JSC “XXXX” made three transfers to the Austrian Central Bank Account of Company "XXXX": EUR 10 000 on August 18, 2011; EUR 15 000 on August 31, 2011; and EUR 5000 on October 29, 2014 . Note 1: If you are not enclosing the print-out, drop that entire phrase and just say "According to SWIFT, etc. " (If the registration information is needed, place it directly after whichever it is).

  • Here are my suggestions: According to the [enclosed] print-out from SWIFT, the international bank transfer system, JSC “XXXX” made three transfers to the Austrian Central Bank Account of Company "XXXX": EUR 10 000 on August 18, 2011; EUR 15 000 on August 31, 2011; and EUR 5000 on October 29, 2014 .
  • Note 1: If you are not enclosing the print-out, drop that entire phrase and just say "According to SWIFT, etc.
  • " (If the registration information is needed, place it directly after whichever it is).
  • Note 3: American style is to use commas for currency: EUR 15,000 RATHER THAN EUR 15 000.
  • Any questions?
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2 Answers
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Here are my suggestions:

According to the [enclosed] print-out from SWIFT, the international bank transfer system, JSC “XXXX” made three transfers to the Austrian Central Bank Account of Company "XXXX": EUR 10 000 on August 18, 2011; EUR 15 000 on August 31, 2011; and EUR 5000 on October 29, 2014 .

Note 1: If you are not enclosing the print-out, drop that enti
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Thank you! That was very helpful!

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