HONEST ADVICE NEEDED/AUTOBIO ESSAY FOR FIT

MountainHiker,

I want to thank you for responding so quickly.
I am the adult student who is applying to FIT and needs to write an autobiographical essay. It is definitely not as easy as I thought it would be, especially considering that I needed to make my past not seem as bad as it was.
I am usually very good at writing letters, short stories, etc and I do not know if it is because I am nervous about applying to this school, that my english is suddenly horrible, but I would appreciate any help. Here goes...

This letter is regarding my application to Fashion Institute of Technology's Communication Design program.
I am currently a sophomore at Marymount Manhattan College, located on 71st Street in Manhattan. I am working towards earning my Bachelor degree in Studio Art. I have attended MMC since 2002, and have managed to work full-time while maintaining a 3.95 GPA. The decision to go back to school after a ten-year hiatus was not a decision I took lightly. I realize it is going to take hard work, commitment, and motivation to get me through the next few years, but I am determined to make the transition into a field that I feel passionate about.
Going back to school has taught me more about myself than any other event in my life. I have become aware of my ability to work well under pressure, my love for challenges and gaining knowledge, my ability to come up with creative solutions, as well as discovering that I am committed, focused, and disciplined. While working and attending school, I also make the effort to take non-credit courses in Queens College for painting and drawing. My interests have expanded to include: writing, photography, watching foreign movies, traveling, and learning foreign languages. I have perfected my reading, writing, and speaking skills in Spanish, and I am currently learning Italian as well.
I have chosen to pursue a degree in Graphic Design because perspective, use of color, composition, and typography are all aspects of design that I really enjoy learning about and, based on what my art teachers have told me, I show a real talent for it. I also enjoy going to museums and galleries in my spare time in order to study designs, using this as a way to further teach myself history as well as technique.
I have set goals for myself that include earning a Bachelor degree in Graphic Design, then going for my Masters, and after working in my chosen field, owning my own business. I know FIT would be an essential part of this process. My interest in attending FIT has grown since speaking with an acquaintance of mine who recently graduated from FIT and mentioned how delighted she was with the training she recieved at this institution. After speaking with her, I began to research the opportunities available at FIT, and I realized that this is the type of school I need to attend in order to receive the kind of training necessary for a successful career. Receiving top-notch training that would allow me to be industry-ready upon graduation, learning and growing in an atmosphere that is centered on design, and making friendships with my peers who will be in a similar field as myself make me confident that I would grow to my full potential at this school.
Because FIT offers programs that can be earned in the evenings and weekends, this would allow me to continue working while I earn my degree, which is an invaluable opportunity for me. If I am accepted to FIT, I will continue to work hard toward fulfilling my goals, as well as making you proud of your choice. I would also be pleased to provide any references or further information upon request.
Sincerely,

I want to thank all of you who reply and help me with this letter in advance!