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Mr. Tom Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Holding the shopping bag under her arms...

Hi

Could you please see these lines I've written? Any suggestions are welcome.

Holding the shopping bag under her arm clumsily, the old lady bent forward, squinted and tried to insert a key into the murky hole of her ramshackle [tumbledown?] door. It didn’t fit. With a “tssh” and a pout, she straightened and squinted even deeper to detect the right key on her rusty keychain when the bag slipped, letting go of all the eggs that took no time in splashing all over her shoes. 

Thanks,

Tom
  

Top answer

Holding the shopping bag clumsily under her arm, the old lady bent forward, squinted and tried to insert her key into the murky hole of her ramshackle door. It didn’t fit. With a “tssh” and a pout, she straightened and squinted even more severely at her rusty ring of keys.

— Mister Micawber

  • Holding the shopping bag clumsily under her arm, the old lady bent forward, squinted and tried to insert her key into the murky hole of her ramshackle door.
  • It didn’t fit.
  • With a “tssh” and a pout, she straightened and squinted even more severely at her rusty ring of keys.
  • Then the bag slipped, spilling all the eggs, which immediately cracked and spilt all over her shoes.
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4 Answers
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Holding the shopping bag clumsily under her arm, the old lady bent forward, squinted and tried to insert her key into the murky hole of her ramshackle door. It didn’t fit. With a “tssh” and a pout, she straightened and squinted even more severely at her rusty ring of keys. Then the bag slipped, spilling all the eggs, which immediately cracked and spilt all over her shoes.
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Mister MicawberThen the bag slipped, spilling all the eggs, which immediately cracked and spilt all over her shoes.
Then the bag slipped, spilling all the eggs, which broke and ran all over her shoes.
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Thanks a lot, MM, for you time and effort.

Thanks Alphecca Stars. May I ask why you prefer "broke" to "cracked"?


Tom
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An egg that is only cracked can still be intact and hold its contents.
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