Hi. This is an Ielts Writing task 2. Can you guys review it and give me some advice or an estimated band score if possible? Thank you.

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut out art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that schools should concentrate on subjects which are useful preparations for children in the modern world so that art and music should be excluded from the studying program. This essay completely disagrees with the statement because these subjects help build student's personality and creativeness as well as they are very entertaining.

The main reason for not removing art and music out of the syllabus is that they serve to shape learner's characteristic and make them more creative. this field of learning cam imparts emotions and feelings to students which are key factors of mentality. This will make them become more enthusiastic, passionate and care more about others. Music and art ease negative emotions and stimulate the left brain hemisphere controlling creative activities. For example, the recently-conducted survey of Lamber University shows that children with music and art education are less likely to resort to violence and juvenile crime.

Handicraft, fine art, and music should be included in the course of study because of its entertainment. Singing, playing the musical instruments, drawing and listening to music with teachers and friends bring about fun and excitement so that these can release studying pressure put on students, especially during arduous periods with end-of-units tests and assignments. A clear case of this is the advanced educating methodology of Japan in which music and art teaching are parallel to math and science. Many Japanese students feel excited about music and drawing lessons and enhance their academic performance.

In conclusion, it is beneficial that art and music are parts of the curriculum because they develop learner's personality and they are relaxing and interesting subjects.