Hi teacher, please give me some reviews on my IELTS essay

This is the topic:

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

This is my writing:

These days, there are different perspectives on the question of what makes a person worth it. Some people believe that people who are affluent or have good social status should be given more respect than those only have old-fashioned value like honour or trust. I entirely disagree with this opinion and in this essay, I intend to argue that it is human characteristics that make a person more valuable. The two primary reasons for my position are as follows.

First of all, I believe that the extensive possessions showed by others don’t tell anything about this person. For instance, luxury restaurant pictures on Facebook we saw last night were downloaded from the Internet to make us admire them. Furthermore, some people may gain their wealth without morality. Hence, things we came across aren’t enough to judge a person.

Another reason, even stronger argument to this problem is that in any era, owning respectful personalities is absolutely pivotal. A particularly good example is the employing process. It is apparent that no employer wants to hire an irreliable employee. Moreover, I contend that old but gold values always end up with success for their owner. Thus, good characteristics not only make a person worth but also lead to goal achieving.

By way of conclusion, I once again restate that in any circumstance, characteristics are the key factor in becoming a valuable person. Hence, instead of judging people through extensive possessions, we should go for their actual intensive value.