Hi, my name is Phanh. I've just started writting IELTS essays. Pls help me check it!!!
Topic: In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
My essay is below:
In a contemporary world these days, there has been an exponential rate of the youth decided to take a gap year in some area. This trend would create certain benefits but there will also be some drawbacks in the long term.
From one standpoint, taking one year off before university is a smart choice. Because adolescents will be given a chance to escape from daily life routine even though the spend that year traveling, working, or both. Therefore, they can experience new ways of living, new customs as well as broaden their horizon and enrich their knowledge. Especially, for students who work, they could accumulate more wealth and get ready to fulfill their tuition fees in the next following years.
Additionally, a gap year might also pose threats to young people. For instance, there would be bad things and bad peers disturbing adolescents. Therefore, they would have to concentrate briefly on what really helps them during a year off and after that, learning how to resist the temptation in order not to be led astray. Moreover, focusing on stuff things would be a waste of time and money at all.
In a nutshell, there are plus points to take a gap year regarding decent things the youth get after all. However, the downside would emerge consequently in terms of curses young people might get if they do not have a clear plan.
P/s: Thank you for your reading!!!
Top answer
You wrote only 230 words. The minimum is 250. You will lose points.
- You wrote only 230 words.
- The minimum is 250.
- You will lose points.
- Also, you never mentioned the essential premise of the topic.
- That is, there is a young high school graduate who chooses to take a gap year.
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You wrote only 230 words. The minimum is 250. You will lose points.
Also, you never mentioned the essential premise of the topic.
That is, there is a young high school graduate who chooses to take a gap year. What benefits might she get? What problems might she encounter?
Instead, you wrote about a trend.
So you will lose a few points for that.
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