Hi! May you can help me review my IELTS essay, please ? (writing task 2)

Some people think that schools should reward students who have the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show progress. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

You should write at least 250 words.

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My essay:

People have different views about whether schools should award students who gain the excellent academic achievements or students who have significant improvements. While some people suppose that only students who achieve the best scores deserve rewards, I believe that it is more reasonable to praise students have advances in learning.

On the one hand, prizes should be given to the highest achievers for various reasons. First, this create a highly competitive studying environment in schools because they often desire to win prizes. Therefore, they are encouraged to put their effort into studying to gain the highest mark. Second, by adopting this approach, gifted students have many more oppetunities to nurture their abilities. For instance, in my secondary school, students who have the highest academic results are selected for studying in extra classes which help them to develop abilities to participate in the national competitions.

On the other hand, I believe that giving encouragement to students who make strides in learning leads to many favourable outcomes. To begin with, students is given equal chances to be awarded, rather than only focus on those who have the best achievements. This means that instead of feeling disappointed when they have to compete with the best students in class, students are recognized for having efforts in semesters will feel motivated if they are rewarded for marking significant progress. In addition, this form of recognization follows the holistic principle of learning, which is to approach the knowledge world, not just gain the high marks. Consequently, a few phenomena take place when competitions come close such as pressure, stress and cheating would be decreased.

In conclusion, although rewarding the highest achievers is advantageous to some extent, I believe that it would be better to award students having advances in learning.