Hi, I've written another essay for IELTS writing task 2. Please give me some comments, I would really appreciate that. Thank you a lot!

Topic: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

For some students, it is quite difficult to decide whether they should get higher education or go to work straight after high school. While getting a job at an early age is helpful for them, I do believe that it is better for students to get schooling at university.

Going to work at a young age gives people numerous benefits. It helps them gain real experience earlier and the ability to cope with various kinds of situations in life. Therefore, they could get promotions faster in their field with higher salaries or pensions. In terms of that, they could settle down and have their own families, houses whenever they want. Moreover, it could bring about a sense of independence. Having their own money, they could do a number of things that require a high budget such as travelling around the world, shopping at luxurious stores without asking for their parents.

Nevertheless, I think it is essential for students to get qualifications at university for several reasons. Firstly, there are some careers such as doctor, nurse, engineer that require certain types of degrees. Therefore, going to university or college is the only and definite path for those who desire to reach these professions. Secondly, such qualifications would be an asset to students. That is to say, the job market now is extremely competitive, and it could have ten people compete for just one position in a company. This seems to be obvious that employers will choose the one that gets good and impressive qualifications from universities. As a result, students who do not have any degree would be easily rejected. That is why university and college are sensible choices for those who want to get a job, even good paying one.

For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that going to university or college after high school is much better than going straight to work afterwards.