Hi, I'm learning Ielts and I have written a passage for task1 . Can you read it and give me some advice ? It will be my huge honor.( By the way, I don't know how to share my photo for you to see it)

Question

The table compares the amount of waste disposed of in six countries from 1980 to 2000.

It is noticeable that the US dumped more waste than Japan, Korea, Poland, Portugal and Ireland combined during the period shown. Futhermore, Korea saw a decrease in its waste output while the opposite trend was true for the other.

In 1980, US was responsible for the largest amount of waste , at 131 million tonnes, while Japan was significantly lower, at 28 million tonnes. By contrast, 4 million tones, 2 million tones and 0,6 million tonnes was released by Poland, Portugal and Ireland, respectively.

From that time onwards, more and more waste was produced in the US to reach 192 million tonnes. Japan , Poland, Portugal also experienced the same trend with the respective figures were 53 million tonnes, 6.6 million tonnes, 5 million tonnes . By contrast, Korea managed to cut down its waste by 12 million tonnes in 2000.

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The table compares the amount of waste disposed of in by six countries in three specific years: 1980, 1990 and 2000. (This is more accurate. From 1980 to 2000 could be every single year during that time. The table would have 20 columns. What are the countries?) The countries are listed in alphabetical order: Ireland, Japan, Korea, Poland, Portugal and the US.

~~It is noticeable that~~(Those words are useless. They have no information content.) Overall, the US dumped more waste than Japan, Korea, Poland, Portugal and Ireland combined in every year. ~~during the period shown~~. Futhermore, Korea had ~~saw~~ a decrease in its waste output while the opposite trend was true for the other. (Which country is "the other"? You must be clear. Besides, it is a false statement. Korea could have increased its waste between 1980 and 1990. You do not have that information.)

Example paragraph. Note that if you had listed the countries in Paragraph 1, you would avoid repetition here. It is much clearer for the reader.

Overall, the US was the largest producer of waste, more than all the other countries combined, in each of the three years. Where data was available, all these countries generated more garbage in 2000 than they did in 1980. Korea was unique in that it reduced its waste significantly between 1990 and 2000.

In 1980, US ~~was responsible for~~ generated the largest amount of waste , at 131 million tonnes, while Japan was significantly lower, at 28 million tonnes. (Actually, Portugal was "significantly lower, in comparison.) By contrast, 4 million ~~tones~~, 2 million ~~tones~~ and 0,6 million tonnes was ~~released~~ produced by Poland, Portugal and Ireland, respectively.

~~From that time onwards~~, In 1990 and 2000, more and more waste was produced in the US to reach 192 million tonnes. Japan , Poland, Portugal also showed ~~experienced~~ the same trend with amounts of ~~the respective figures were~~ 53 million tonnes, 6.6 million tonnes, 5 million tonnes . By contrast, Korea managed to cut ~~down~~ its waste by nearly half, 12 million tonnes, between 1990 and 2000.

Example third paragraph. Do not just copy the numbers from the table but focus on giving relevant comparisons. It is good to mention rank order by volume of waste.

In detail, in 1980, the US produced 131 tonnes, over four times as much as second-place Japan, with 28 tonnes. All the other countries for which data was available had 4 or less. Although Japan increased its waste by nearly a factor of two over the next twenty years to 53 tonnes, it was still in second place after the US in 2000, since the amount for the US had gone up by 61 tonnes. The other countries did not produce much garbage in comparison. In 2000, Ireland and Portugal had 5 and Poland had 6.5 tonnes.

Hi, I'm learning Ielts and I have written a passage for task1 . Can you read it and give me some advice ? It will be my huge honor.( By the way, I don't know how to share my photo for you to see it)

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