Hi, i'm learning for IELTS test, can you read and correct this essay? Thank you very much

Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there are many unsatisfying circumstances that people have to face with, for example, jobs with bad conditions or with insufficiently salary. Some people may accept under no condition, while others may try their best to move on in such conditions. I think both opinion are reasonable in some way.

To begin with, the reason why some people accept the bad situations is that they just want to have a peaceful life, or they might be afraid to take a risk. This could help them to get a guarented life and they also very satisfy with it. However, it seems to be that their life can be very boring since there is not any challenge, also the money they recived will just enough to afford their basic needs and it will be very difficult for them to success in their career.

On the other hand, since the world is develop with a fast pace, it will be very essential for people to move on and develop their career. I think they usually very energetic and are willing to carry out any difficult task. From that point, they will not only accomplish success but also gain many knowledges, experiences and even money. Thus, even it is not easy to try on and improve their life, but it worth trying because “no pressure, no diamonds”.

Overall, though each choice has its own benefits and jeopardies, i would prefer to take a risk, because the more you do and dare, the further you can get.