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Tensai1031 Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Hi, everyone. I am studying IELTS , this is paragraph written in academic style. Can anybody give me a hand to check it? Thanks a lot.
After having helped the company gain many successes, the director has a tendency to expect a high salary increase, or otherway will quit; therefore, in order to be able to retain the excellent directors, whom it is usually difficult to find, the practice of offering acttactive salary increases appoves to be unexitable. What is more, the company cannot increase salary of its company like the ordinary employees, for the other large companies always find every way to convince distinguished directors, usually offer very high salary.
Top answer
Hello tensai—and welcome to English Forums. I have underlined some problem areas. Please try to fix them and post your revised paragraph here .
- Hello tensai—and welcome to English Forums.
- I have underlined some problem areas.
- Please try to fix them and post your revised paragraph here .
- After having helped the company gain many successes , the director has a tendency to expect a high salary increase, or otherway will quit; therefore, in order to be able to retain the excellent directors, whom it is usually difficult to find, the practice of offering acttactive salary increases appoves to be unexitable .
- What is more, the company cannot incre ase salar y of its company like the ordinary employees, for the other large companies always find every way to convince distinguished direct ors, usually offer very high salary.
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7 Answers
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Hello tensai—and welcome to English Forums. I have underlined some problem areas. Please try to fix them and post your revised paragraph here.
After having helped the company gain many successes, the director has a tendency to expect a high salary increase, or otherway will quit; therefore, in order to be able to retain the excellent directors,
After having helped the company gain many successes, the director has a tendency to expect a high salary increase, or otherway will quit; therefore, in order to be able to retain the excellent directors,
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HI Mister Micawber.
Thank your help so much.
This is my fixed paragraph.
After having helped the company gain many successes, the director has a tendency to expect a large salary increase, or otherwise will quit; therefore, in order to be able to retainthe excellent directors, whom it is usually difficult to find, the practice of offering a
Thank your help so much.
This is my fixed paragraph.
After having helped the company gain many successes, the director has a tendency to expect a large salary increase, or otherwise will quit; therefore, in order to be able to retain
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After having helped the company gain much success, a director has a tendency to expect a large salary increase, or otherwise will quit; therefore, in order to be able to retain excellent directors, whom it is usually difficult to find, the practice of offering attractive salary increases proves to be inevitable. What is more, the company cannot increase the salaries
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Hi Mister Micawber
Success is a countable noun, so why cannot I use the phrase "many successes" ? Thanks a lot.
Success is a countable noun, so why cannot I use the phrase "many successes" ? Thanks a lot.
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It does not fit into the intent of the passage, while the uncountable form does.
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I do not clearly get your explantation. Why is does not countable form fit into the passange? Because my English teacher
gave me this word to complete my paragraph. .
And what is the difference between outstanding and distinguished? The word " outstanding" has the same meaning as "excellent" and the other word " distinguished" is used for directors who are successful and are admi
gave me this word to complete my paragraph. .
And what is the difference between outstanding and distinguished? The word " outstanding" has the same meaning as "excellent" and the other word " distinguished" is used for directors who are successful and are admi
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Why is does not countable form fit into the passage?-- Because it is the condition of success that makes the good director, not numbers of them.
And what is the difference between outstanding and distinguished?-- Distinguished is for statesmen and Shakespearian actors, not company directors.
And what is the difference between outstanding and distinguished?-- Distinguished is for statesmen and Shakespearian actors, not company directors.
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