Hi, can you assess my writing please

Question

The given maps illustrate the transformation of a bookstore between 2000 and the present day.

Overall, it can be seen from the map that the overall size of the bookstore and the entrance have stayed the same, while the internal design of the bookstore, regarding the arrangement of some sections and the size of the fiction section, has been changed.

One significant change is the reduction in size of the fiction section in the top side of the bookstore to make way for art, hobbies and cookery sections, which were situated in the center of the map in 2000. Another important change is the relocation of the non-fiction section from the south side of the bookstore to the top-right corner at the site of the former fiction section.

Furthermore, three tables with chairs have been created in the center of the bookstore, where previously were art, hobbies and cookery sections. Another important development is the construction of a cafe in the south part of the bookstore. However, new books, books about travel and the service desk have been remained unchanged.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please post the essay instructions. I assume that these are what you did not post, but should have.

The maps below show a book store in 2000 and now.

Summarise the main information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makes comparisons where relevant.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The ~~given~~ two maps show the layout / floor plan ~~illustrate~~ the ~~transformation~~ (not a good word) of a bookstore in ~~between~~ 2000 and the present day.

Overall, ~~it can be seen from the map that~~ (unnecessary words. They give no information to the reader.) the overall size of the bookstore and the entrance have stayed the same, while the internal design ~~of the bookstore~~, (Do not repeat this phrase. You already told the reader that it is a bookstore floor plan.) regarding the arrangement of some sections and the size of the fiction section, has been changed. (You should be more specific. The reader expects that some things have changed. Give the most important features, that is, the most noticeable differences.)

One significant change is the reduction in size of the fiction section in the top side (On a map, use map directions. Top side means the highest book shelves.) ~~of the bookstore~~ (Do not repeat this phrase. You already told the reader that it is a bookstore floor plan.) to make way for art, hobbies and cookery sections, which were situated in the center ~~of the map~~ in 2000. Another important change is the relocation of the non-fiction section from the south side of the bookstore to the top-right corner (use map directions) ~~at the site of the forme~~r where the fiction section was situated.

(You do not need another paragraph.)

Furthermore, three tables with chairs have been created (wrong verb. We create works of art. We do not create tables and chairs. They are purchased from a supplier.) in the center ~~of the bookstore,~~ where previously were art, hobbies and cookery sections. Another important development (This should be in the second "overall" paragraph. It is a major feature. Read my advice.) is the construction of a cafe along the south wall ~~in the south part of the bookstore~~. However, new books, books about travel and the service desk have been remained unchanged.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay

The two maps show the floor plan of a bookstore in 2000 and in the present day, illustrating the changes that have been made.

Overall, the size of the bookstore and its entrance has not changed. However, it has been converted into a café bookstore, with the addition of a central seating area and a small restaurant selling snacks and drinks. All the book categories are the same, but the size of the fiction section was substantially reduced to accommodate the café.

In detail, certain areas remained exactly the same: the service desk in the southwest corner, the large travel book section just inside the west entrance, and the new books located between the travel books and service desk. However, the three rows of bookshelves for art, hobbies and cookery were moved from the middle to the north wall, which used to be only fiction. Fiction, which used to take up a large proportion of the floorspace, is now placed beside the cookbooks. Non-fiction has moved to the northeast corner from the south side, where the café is now situated.

Hi, can you assess my writing please

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