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Hopeful Fellow Posted 20 years ago
Hey do u like my poem?
Title: " WHAT AILS YOU "
What ails you, Oh heart ?
What ails you ?
Why are you so sad & for whom do you long ?
Is it the fear of the future ?
Or you repent the past ?
Is it because you are friendless ?
Or because you are far apart ?
What ails you, Oh mind ?
What ails you ?
Why are you disturbed & lost ?
Is it because the circumstances are uncomfortable ?
Or because your will power has weakened?
Is it because you are tired of the wrong,
Or of the world ?
Or because you don't have the power to set it right ?
What ails you, Oh Soul?
What ails you?
Why are you so eager to return?
Is it because you feel the world not a place to live?
Or because you are tired of this temporary
abode?
Is it because you feel caged in the body?
Or because the body is not fit to live?
Tell me what ails you ?
What ails you, Oh heart ?
What ails you ?
Why are you so sad & for whom do you long ?
Is it the fear of the future ?
Or you repent the past ?
Is it because you are friendless ?
Or because you are far apart ?
What ails you, Oh mind ?
What ails you ?
Why are you disturbed & lost ?
Is it because the circumstances are uncomfortable ?
Or because your will power has weakened?
Is it because you are tired of the wrong,
Or of the world ?
Or because you don't have the power to set it right ?
What ails you, Oh Soul?
What ails you?
Why are you so eager to return?
Is it because you feel the world not a place to live?
Or because you are tired of this temporary
abode?
Is it because you feel caged in the body?
Or because the body is not fit to live?
Tell me what ails you ?
Top answer
I like the title and the tag lines ( What ails you, o Heart, Mind, Soul ), but the rest of the poem is a disappointment-- it says nothing new, it is too generic. I would keep the what ails you lines and re-think all the rest.
- I like the title and the tag lines ( What ails you, o Heart, Mind, Soul ), but the rest of the poem is a disappointment-- it says nothing new, it is too generic.
- I would keep the what ails you lines and re-think all the rest.
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1 Answers
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I like the title and the tag lines (What ails you, o Heart, Mind, Soul), but the rest of the poem is a disappointment-- it says nothing new, it is too generic. I would keep the what ails you lines and re-think all the rest.
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