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Anonymous Posted 18 years ago
Letter Writing

hey can you please review my letter of motivation

0Dear Madam or Sir,02br
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00I am a 4th year Chinese Language and Culture Student at 00. I would like to apply to your graduate program in Contemporary Chinese Studies.02br
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00Originally I started my studies in my hometown 00, where I visited the Chinese Studies department for 3 semesters. The focus of study there was on Chinese and Asian politics, however I realised that for a more thorough understanding I needed to be in command of Chinese language, being able to read and refer to first hand documents, rather than translations. After my first exchange year in 010200 I immediately fell in love with the country and its people, so I decided to stay and continue improving my Chinese. 02br
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00During my time in 00 I attended classes in various fields, such like Chinese economics, Government, History as well as classical Chinese Language and 00. 00Overall the courses where very comprehensive and now, after almost 3 years of study, I am able to read most Chinese books and newspapers. I also was a member in the University’s Model United Nations student association. In Model UN, students take on roles as foreign diplomats and participate in a simulated session of an intergovernmental organization.02br
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00Now that 010200 is playing a more and more important role in international politics, and I hope that through your program I can get a more accurate vision of the facts that underlie the relations between 010200 and the rest of the world. 00I’m keenly interested in acquiring more theoretical knowledge and especially more academic skills in this area. 00My father works for the German government and worked in central Asian countries like 010200 and 010200 for many years. I was taught at an early age to develop an interest in political and economical matters and this has developed into a real passion. Therefore, I’m seriously considering working in the government sector or in foreign relations. 01span00I think your program would be the right complement to my language degree (Any suggestions to make it sound better?)02span00. Moreover 00 has an outstanding reputation in social sciences and an international orientation. 02br
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00The international experience I gathered during my time in 010200 made me very adaptable and able to communicate with people from various cultural backgrounds. Besides my mother language German I speak fluent English, Chinese and basic French, Spanish. I am a very diligent person, 01font00BLABLABLABLA (any suggestions?)02font02br
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00I thank you for considering my application.02br
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00Yours sincerely,0-
  

Top answer

2br 02br 00Hi Anon,02br 02br 02br 02br 00I kind of waited to see if your letter had enough appeal to draw some interest before I give my two cents. I think in general, your letter is easily understood. 00 00I didn’t want to go through the whole letter but I did mark up your first paragraph as a reference to hopefully 00 00give you a contrast and improve the fluency and tone of the letter.

  • 2br 02br 00Hi Anon,02br 02br 02br 02br 00I kind of waited to see if your letter had enough appeal to draw some interest before I give my two cents.
  • I think in general, your letter is easily understood.
  • 00 00I didn’t want to go through the whole letter but I did mark up your first paragraph as a reference to hopefully 00 00give you a contrast and improve the fluency and tone of the letter.
  • 00 00 02br 02br 00Dear Sir /Madam, 02br 02br 00I am a 4th year Chinese Language and Culture 00S00tudent at 00.
  • 02br 02br 00Originally00, 00I started my studies in my hometown Heidelberg, where I (00had studied at )00 01u 00visited02u 00 the Chinese Studies department for 3 semesters00,00 00focusing on00 00The focus of study there was on00 Chinese and Asian politics00,00 00H00owever I realised that 00in order to gain a better00 00or a more thorough00 understanding, I needed to have a good 01u 00be in02u 00 command of (00the)00 Chinese language, as well as being able to read and comprehend documents, 01u 00refer to02u 00 first hand rather than translations.
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1 Answers
0
2br
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00Hi Anon,02br
02br
02br
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00I kind of waited to see if your letter had enough appeal to draw some interest before I give my two cents. I think in general, your letter is easily understood. However, I find it a bit wordy and the tone was rather stiff.00 00I didn’t want to go through the whole letter but I did mark up your fi

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