[he/they]

Question

The user can use the virtual keyboard on the iPhone to key in messages. The virtual keyboard is so well designed that if the user hadn't known, [he/they] would think that [he was/they were] using a physical keyboard.

Which is better, he or they?

Thanks in advance!

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I would change 'user' to 'users'.

Kooyeen · Answer

Hi,
I would use "they". Or change "user" to "users", if you want.

New2grammar · Answer

Thank you everyone.

Kooyeen, since you are a learner like me, I would like to get your piece of advice.

Let say in a conversation, you start off by saying 'the user' in the first sentence because it fits okay. Then in the second sentence, naturally you will continue using 'the user' which will run into this dilemma later. Or do you think ahead of time before you say a sentence to avoid problems like this?

Help!

Kooyeen · Answer

Hi N2G,
you are asking about a very difficult thing. I already asked about this a lot of times, and everyone has their own way to deal with this problem. Think ahead of time? No, impossible, native speakers don't plan sentences in advance... so I'll tell you what I do, what I learned asking.

I use "they/them/their" when the *** is unknown, unless I need to repeat "they/them/their" a lot of times, or I'm talking about a complex situation and "they/them/their" might be confusing. In such cases, I use "he", or "she", and often point out I don't kow the *** of the person... Example:
I just read a book by Xursufiaa Nugytwery Donnyasta. He, provided he's a male, is a good writer, in my opinion. He wrote a lot of books, and... --- Maybe one day I might find out the author is a female, but I'm now supposing he's a male.

That said, I'm still not completely sure what to do in cases like:
- I have to go now, my cousin needs help.
- What does he want? / What does she want? / What do they want? / What does your cousin want?

I use the undelined versions, though, so notice that repeating "your cousin, the author, that person, etc." is a possible option too.

New2grammar · Answer

Thanks Kooyeen for explaining.

So, I guess both options are fine in my original sentence, at least in conversations. In writing, I can always go back and pluralize the 'user' but in daily conversations, I can't always repeat my sentences with corrections just to be grammatically correct. I believe native speakers won't find mistakes like this to be irritating. I hope not.

By the way, do native speakers make 'mistakes' like this too? Just curious. Do you know, Kooyeen?

Kooyeen · Answer

New2grammarBy the way, do native speakers make 'mistakes' like this too? Just curious. Do you know, Kooyeen?

That's not a mistake, that's ok. As usual, the problem for learners is using what we learn in an idiomatic way, as natives do. But as far as I know, native speakers use "they" that way all the time and they are more likely to notice something strange if you don't use it. Example:
If a person you don't know asked you 50 dollars, would you give it to him or her?
That "him or her" sounds worse than "them", so natives are more likely to notice it in your speech.

I know some people use "they" even when the *** of a person is known, when they want to aviod revealing someone's ***. Like this:
"A friend of mine came here today and they told me this joke: ...." (you actually know if your friend is a male or a female)

New2grammar · Answer

Thank Kooyeen! What a relief <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

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