Help writing B1

Hello,

I have a little homework, it consists in a writing (level B1) about an invention (it’s not necessary that the invention is real). Could you help me to correct my writing? I think I have some mistakes because English it’s not my mother tongue.

Writing

Our product is a little device, its form is like an egg. This device allows someone get in a virtual world where you can live all experiences you want in a short time.

To use this device, firstly you have to be in a quiet environment when you feel comfortable. You must put the device over a table and the camera must look your eyes. Next, the camera of the device will send a beam of light that will go through your eyes, and so the device will be able to communicate with your brain sending electrical pulses through beam of light, in this way the device can make you think that you are in another place.

To choose the place where you want to go in the virtual world, you must simply think about the place, the device will detect this information from your brain, and it will make you think you are in that place. For example, this person imagines he is in a forest. The intensity of the experience you live in the virtual world will change according to how you react to the stimuli that the device sends to your mind.

The fact that we are in a virtual world allows us to modify the notion of time. By studying a lot, the aptitude of the brain to receive information through the beam of light, we concluded, we can send a lot of information in a very short period. In this way we achieved that 1 hour in the virtual world is equal 1 minute in the real world.

There are several applications for this product.

The device will allow you to travel around the world in your mind, visit other countries, know new cultures. You just must think it, and you will be there. For example, if you live in the downtown, it maybe you are a little stressed, so with this device you can go to a quiet place to relax you.

Because of it may be a bit boring to be alone in a virtual world, that's why our system allows you to connect the device with other people, that means you can be with other people in the same virtual world. To do that we must simply get the ID of your friends, to register them in your device, then you must select theirs ID with your mind, when they accept your request they will appears in your virtual world. In this way you could make group trips, visit cities or simply spend time with friends in a place where you want to be.

Another application that we believe could be very interesting for students is studying in the virtual world. As you know 1 min in the real world is equal to 1 hour in the virtual world. In this way you could study, for example 4 hours in the virtual world, but in real life it would only be 4 minutes.