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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Help with sonnet, iambic pentameter...
Hi, I have to write a Petrarchan sonnet for a creative writing class and it's due tomorrow. I think it has turned out alright; though, I'm not sure about the iambic pentameter. My ear isn't very attuned to the rhythm. Help?
Do you not see, my sweet Penelope,
That he is Agelaus filthy louse
And I, Odysseus, to mend our house.
But then you flee from me on wine-dark sea.
How do you not see, my Helen oh thee,
That he is Menelaus *** to fate
And I, your Paris, the god’s divined mate.
But then you bury me, in Troy at tea.
For my heart our concord is enough, though;
O! I will concede and lift your love high.
Paolo and Francesca, the handsome beau!
Now in Ithaca we raise cups to sky.
Antony, Cleopatra, spite forego!
Now under Troy’s sun we speak, laugh--ally.
Do you not see, my sweet Penelope,
That he is Agelaus filthy louse
And I, Odysseus, to mend our house.
But then you flee from me on wine-dark sea.
How do you not see, my Helen oh thee,
That he is Menelaus *** to fate
And I, your Paris, the god’s divined mate.
But then you bury me, in Troy at tea.
For my heart our concord is enough, though;
O! I will concede and lift your love high.
Paolo and Francesca, the handsome beau!
Now in Ithaca we raise cups to sky.
Antony, Cleopatra, spite forego!
Now under Troy’s sun we speak, laugh--ally.
Top answer
That he is Menelaus, slave to fate... The meter is not too bad, but I can make no sense of it. Who is speaking?
- That he is Menelaus, slave to fate...
- The meter is not too bad, but I can make no sense of it.
- Who is speaking?
- How did all those non-Homeric characters get in there?
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5 Answers
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...That he is Menelaus, slave to fate...
The meter is not too bad, but I can make no sense of it. Who is speaking? How did all those non-Homeric characters get in there?
The meter is not too bad, but I can make no sense of it. Who is speaking? How did all those non-Homeric characters get in there?
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Thanks for replying. It's a sonnet, so it's supposed to be a man speaking to a woman, comparing her to these classical beauties, himself to their ideal mates (Odysseus, Helen), and her lover to these not so ideal mates. At least, that's what I'm intending.
I don't usually write serious poetry, so thanks for helping me out. Why is is not clear who the speaker is? Which non-Homeric characte
I don't usually write serious poetry, so thanks for helping me out. Why is is not clear who the speaker is? Which non-Homeric characte
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Ah, I see. I think what has happened is that you have compressed or twisted the grammar so much to get it into the meter and rhyme scheme that the meanings or connections are muddied. (As for non-Homeric characters: Paolo & Francesca are from Dante, while Antony and Cleopatra are from Shakespeare.) Let me see if I can make some suggestions for clearing the waters and metric footage a bit:
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Oh, those non-homeric characters! lol. I thought you were referring to Menelaus as non-Homeric. Thank you. Big help.
Yeah, sonnets are so strict and I'm not used to writing them. Especially Petrarchan with its abba abba scheme (even though I cheated and used abba acca in Wordsworthian fashion here, haha).
I'll rework it according to your suggestions!
Yeah, sonnets are so strict and I'm not used to writing them. Especially Petrarchan with its abba abba scheme (even though I cheated and used abba acca in Wordsworthian fashion here, haha).
I'll rework it according to your suggestions!
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