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Can somebody please comments my English?

Regards,

Fizzi

1-Current controls (regulations?) for advertising in scientific journals have been criticized by many for unable to prevent the presentation of low quality of information.

2- Although regulation of scientific journals advertising is difficult, the need for effective control is crucial as nurses are vulnerable to manipulation from promotion.

3-In order to better regulate the quality of information provided in journal advertisng there is a need for global debate on how advertising should be conducted which may support the rational use of vitamins.

4- Consensus on what is good advertisement should be made. Greater consideration and discussion needs to be given in the separation of commercial communications and scientific information on vitamins in advertisements.

5- Clear definition on balanced information appearing in advertisement should be determined.

Mr Wordy · Accepted Answer

1-Current controls on / regulations applying to advertising in scientific journals have been criticized by many for being unable to prevent the presentation of low quality of information.

2- Although regulation of scientific ~~journals~~ journal advertising is difficult, ~~the need for~~ effective control is crucial as nurses are vulnerable to manipulation ~~from~~ by promotional materials.

3-In order to better regulate the quality of information provided in journal advertising there is a need for global debate on how advertising should be conducted ~~which may support the rational use of vitamins~~. [This doesn't really make sense to me, and I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say.]

4- Consensus on what is constitutes good ~~advertisement~~ advertising should be ~~made~~ sought. Greater consideration ~~and discussion~~ needs to be given in to the separation of commercial communications and scientific information ~~on vitamins~~ in vitamin advertisements.

You have a mixture of AmE and BrE spellings: criticized, advertising.

Fizzi · Answer

Hi Mr Wordy,

How about this?

Regards,

Fizzi

In order to better regulate the quality of information provided in vitamins' advertisements in nursing journals, there is a need for global debate on how those advertisements should appear in journals in supporting the rational use of vitamins.

Mr Wordy · Answer

In order to better regulate the quality of information provided in ~~vitamins'~~ vitamin advertisements in nursing journals, there is a need for global debate on how those advertisements ~~should appear in journals in supporting the rational use of vitamins~~.

Hi Fizzi

"advertisements should appear ... in supporting ..." isn't grammatical.

"those advertisements" must mean the advertisements in nursing journals that you've just mentioned, so "in journals" isn't really necessary (and, in fact, is potentially confusing as it suggests that you might now be talking about journals of all types).

"should appear" also seems odd; it seems unlikely that you'd be especially interested in how they appear.

You could say something like this:

In order to better regulate the quality of information provided in vitamin advertisements in nursing journals, there is a need for global debate on how those advertisements should promote the rational use of vitamins.

This is OK I guess, but a severe critic might point out that such a global debate isn't going to achieve the "in order to better regulate" outcome as claimed. To achieve that, some sort of enforcement of the conclusions is needed. (If a discussion of the enforcement issue follows, then that would be fine of course.) Said critic might also point out that a global debate on the quality of information in vitamin advertisments will inevitably focus on how they should promote the rational use of vitamins, so stating this makes for a fairly weak and anticlimactic end to the sentence.

These are picky points, however.

Fizzi · Answer

Thanks again Mr Wordy. Yes you are right, a discussion of the enforcement issue follows.

Regards,

Fizzi

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