Help with revising a motivation letter

Sorry, I did not mean to post three times.

Hello!

I am applying to an Undergraduate degree course of Astrophysics and would like some help or a second opinion on revising my motivation letter. The letter is companied by my personal information, information about my education, as well as my final grades and high school final exams’ results and references, which apply the information about my skills and personality. Because of this I decided to leave my educational background out from the letter.

I am almost OK with the letter. I haven’t had proper grammar practice in some time and have a bit of trouble with words now.

There is one sentence that is 50 words long, but as it is mostly a quote, I can’t find a way to cut it into two (‘I made my final decision...’).

In that same sentence I have underlined a ‘that as’, which I am not sure about.

I have crossed out two things ('out of the country' and 'having studied'), which to me seem wrong, yet I can’t find anything to replace them with.

Do I have to specify about the adaption where I have put the (?)? To be honest, I don’t know whether it is ‘adapt to’ or something else.

The next underlined part does not sound right, I think, and the word ‘career’ is repeating.

(…) means there is something missing, that the next sentence comes too sharply.

I am concerned about whether the letter is formal and that it doesn't get too informal in places. Also, if my word choice is correct. As I am not a native speaker, yet have learned the language for so long, I worry about it a lot.

Guidelines for the letter (also, I am applying through an organization that helps students to go study abroad):

What do I expect to gain from studying abroad?

Why do I think it would be useful for me?

Why have I chosen to apply to this course?

Why my background makes me a suitable candidate?

What do I expect to learn?

How will the course help me to achieve my goals?

Here's the letter:

Dear Sir or Madam



I am applying to your Undergraduate degree course of Astrophysics starting in September 2012.



I have chosen to apply to the course of Astrophysics for it is my true passion. It has interested me since I first learned to read. Astronomy is the field I know most of, I like to discuss the most and want to learn most about. I have also volunteered in the local observatory helping to entertain visitors on open days by teaching them simple astronomy. I made my final decision in favour of Astrophysics after speaking to the astronomer in the observatory, who told me that as this is my biggest interest, the smartest thing to do is to study science while I am still young and capable, no matter what the future might bring. (...) I have a curious mind. I long for the knowledge of how the world works and how it all came to be.



What made me choose to study out of the country was primarily the fact that there are no options of studying Astrophysics in Estonia. As common physics do not captivate me as much and studying in a foreign country would be a marvellous experience and a change of a lifetime, I decided to search for courses abroad. I concentrated my search in to the United Kingdom as I have always been charmed by the country. I am also confident that after having studied English for ten years of I am fluent in the language and will be most capable to adapt (?).



Studying in a prestigious university, such as Aberystwyth University would provide me with highly competitive education for future career ambitions. I found the description of the Astrophysics degree course very interesting and appealing. I was also pleased by the assured opportunity of a career in physics-related education, as this is my main career ambition; I enjoy teaching and seeing peoples interest in the world.



(...)



Thank you for considering my application, I look forward to your acceptance.



Yours faithfully,



Me!

I could write how I want to be a physics teacher and hold an astronomy club in the school (as we never learned anything about astronomy in our physics class in school and I was in a science class and had 2-3 physics lessons a week).

I have seen ‘sincerely yours’ in other letters, yet in our English class we were thought ‘yours faithfully’ was correct if the letter recipients name is not known. (As in I am faithful you exist.)

Thank you very much for your help. This letter is important to me and any help is highly appreciated.