Help with my motivation letter

hi i m huzefa 24 yrs of age from india would like help on my letter of motivation for my master in fashion management at paris heres the letter plz help


Dear Sirs,Madam
I ***** 23 yeas of age , having completed my masters in commerce and a diploma in fashion designing, and after gaining sufficient work experience from the different industries, would like to study and explore the opportunity to study and gain international experience. And I believe Paris is the place where I can do that.
I have studied my Bachelors of Commerce and my Masters of Commerce from Mumbai University, and have worked as insurance agent, as marketing assistant and assistant designer *** merchandiser. My strength has been my marketing and organization skills.
Fashion designing is my passion and to open a fashion house is my dream and to fulfill my dream I require guidance and I think I can find it with this program offered by your university.
I developed my interest in fashion designing only after my college, when I attended a workshop by a fashion designer. I was always good at drawing but could find the focus and the path which I would like to pursue and after that workshop fashion designing was it.
After that I enrolled myself for one year diploma in fashion design at the Le Mark Institute of Art (Mumbai), as I was commerce student I didn’t have any knowledge of this field.
This course helped to learn the fundamentals of design and I not only improved my skills but was good at it too. Besides drawing I also learned illustration, pattern drafting, apparels, embroidery, computer aided designing and little of textiles too.
One of my learning experience from this course is the whole process of designing a collection for our institutes graduating students fashion show, where every team of three students were to design a collection of six garments i.e.3male, 3female on a particular theme .I learned that how a design on paper is made into garment and how many process it has to go through like material sampling, pattern making, embroidery, accessories and trials etc. My team had designed western casuals with the theme being bright colors.
My fascination with Paris stated when I was learning French at Alliance Francais de Mumbai. At Alliance I came to know the fascinating French culture and Paris being fashion capitol of the world bowled me over. Paris the being the birth place of fashion has so much history and culture to explore and learn from it.
During my course at alliance there were a lot of workshops and seminars which made me familiar to the amazing and interesting French culture. I also learned that there were a lot of similarities between English and French language
I would like to study in paris at your university because i am sure that Mod-Art would provide me with the expertise, personal interaction and intercultural experience necessary for me to achieve my professional as well as personal objectives.
I am applying for the MA in Marketing course at Mod-art for three reasons. The first is that the course precisely matches my particular area of interest in marketing: namely, merchandising and international marketing, brand management. The second is the high reputation of your school for producing outstanding graduates and keeping pace with changes in the world of fashion. And the third is your close relationship with well known global fashion companies, which ensures that theoretical expertise is supported by real experience of culture-based communication and global market strategy analysis. The combination of these factors makes your MA in Marketing course the natural choice for me at this point in my career.



my paragraph and sentence construction is not so grt and i doubt htis letter is goin in flow of events plz help u can either answer back here or on my email <deleted by mod>.
thanks huzefa