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Sophie_sophie Posted 15 years ago
Letter Writing

Help with my essay

I need someone(native speaker) to proof read my essay please:)) also dont hesistate to evaluate it and give me some advices how can I make it better!

thanks in advance:)

here is the essay..


What is the most critical threat to liberty and how could it be eliminated?

Ignorance is the most critical threat to liberty. This trend of general unintelligence and cluelessness specially, when it comes to politics is obviously very harmful for development of democracy in any country around the world. Historically, an ignorant populace has always been easily controlled and manipulated by government. Hence, there often was a purposeful, concerted effort to gut public education and remove from citizens the knowledge of their individual rights and civil liberties. As an illustration, communism was nothing but the attempt to destroy the common sense of freedom and control people’s minds and hearts. Briefly said, the whole history of the mankind shows how ignorance, apathy and misunderstanding of liberal values can bring the world to tyrannies.

Unfortunately, it was not case only in the past but it occurs today too and is even more dangerous to the human-being than it’s ever been before. Ignorance is the main reason why people follow ideas blindly. Threats are hidden in ideas, in human behavior influenced and motivated by extremists. As a result, we have got terrorism, radicalism, extremism, dictatorship, hate between nations based on religious and political views…

The problem cannot be solved from outside. Efforts of international human rights organizations or political pressure from the international community is not the solution. This problem must be solved from the inside, by promoting liberal values among young generation and educating them on the bases of the fundamental freedom values. And the apathy that is caused by ignorance can be eliminated by high level of involvement in the social life. The liberty is not something what you can take for granted. The understanding of liberty and comes from an active involvement in political, economic and social system transformations.
  

Top answer

Hi Sophie: I have some suggestions and random (personal) ideas on your text. It is a good essay. --------- What is the most critical threat to liberty and how could it be eliminated?

  • Hi Sophie: I have some suggestions and random (personal) ideas on your text.
  • It is a good essay.
  • --------- What is the most critical threat to liberty and how could it be eliminated?
  • Ignorance is the most critical threat to liberty.
  • This trend of general unintelligence and cluelessness specially, (no comma) when it comes to politics is obviously very harmful for development of democracy in any country around the world .
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3 Answers
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Hi Sophie: I have some suggestions and random (personal) ideas on your text. It is a good essay.

---------

What is the most critical threat to liberty and how could it be eliminated?
Ignorance is the most critical threat to liberty. This trend of general unintelligence and cluelessness specially,(no comma) when it comes to politics is obviously very harmful for develop
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Thanks alot!

It is very helpful.

do you suggest me to mention modern communication tecnology as a solution of reducing ignorance?

best regards,
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Sophie_sophiedo you suggest me to mention modern communication tecnology as a solution of reducing ignorance?
No, I was just asking your opinion.

How do young people obtain information about liberal values if the state controls all the media (TV broadcasts, radio stations, and newpapers), assasinates liberal journalists and jails any leaders who woul

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