Help with Iambic Pentameter

Question

Hi,I'd like to write a Shakespearean sonnet for a friend's birthday. I know the theory. However, English is not my first language and I have difficulties with recognising stress in sentences. Below is the first draft. Could you give me some hints how close this is to the iambic pentameter? The feminine ending in the couplet is intentional since her name is German and is pronounced [si'mo?n?], which rhymes with Zitrone [?i'tro?n?] (a lemon).There was a girl she lived on banks of Rhine,The river flashed her beauty every eve,Possessed more style, more class than finest wine,But with her charming smile she had to leave.And thus she went to London's science lab,To cure disease of mind - she was that smart,Then home and off to pub for snacks to grab,Oh food she loved - could eat all onion tart.When morning came she strummed old bass guitar,At night when wine with Coke and cider drunk,To cast the spuds to flames was quite bizzare,Yet never been there such a gentle punk.As summer's essence shines in gold Zitrone,This rose embodies grace of our Simone.Thanks for any input!Pavel

Avangi · Accepted Answer

Your sonnet scans perfectly, in my opinion. (To have accomplished this, you must be aware of it.)

I'm not sure if you're asking us to mess with your English.

Rgdz, - A.

Anonymous · Answer

The rhyme scheme is right but the meter is off. Ten syllables per line, with a stress pattern of: _^ _^ _^ _^ _^. It should be something like:

A ^girl she ^lived up^on the ^river ^Rhine,
in ^which she ^saw her ^beauty ^ev'ry ^eve.
She ^had more ^style, more ^class than ^any ^wine,
but with her charm she felt she had to leave.

So off she went to London, to a lab,
to work on mind disease, oh she is smart.
When through with work, she's off to pubs to grab
her fav'rite food which is an onion tart.

She'll often play her ancient bass guitar.
At night when she's with Coke and cider drunk,
she'll throw chips to the flames - that's quite bizarre!
Yet never was there such a gentle punk!

Like ^summer's ^essence ^shines in ^a Zi^trone,
this ^rose em^bodies ^grace of ^our Si^mone.

(If you want to write iambic pentameter, you can't use the 3-syllable German pronunciation of Zitrone and Simone, because then you'd be ending the line with an un-stressed syllable. So you have to pronounce them with the 2-syllable English pronunciation.)

Anonymous · Answer

Thanks Avangi. I've checked a couple of older posts regarding the iambic pentameter and I really value your opinion. I knew that the stress in individual words was more or less correct - I checked every single one in a dictionary. The reason why I asked is that when they're put together the rhythm can change and I'm kind of "tone deaf" to this.

Thanks Anonymous. You must have made quite an effort to that. Although you gave me an opposite answer. As I said, I want to have the German pronunciation of her name in the poem, and so the end can't be in the iambic pentameter. I may change a few lines though as I'm not satisfied with how they come together regardless of whether the meter is correct or not.

Pavel

Avangi · Answer

Hi, Pavel,
Perhaps in the "older posts" you encountered some Sonnets posted by a gentleman whose native language is German.

His use of the "female ending" (which I originally questioned) sent me to the Shakespeare sonnets, where I found a few examples of it.

Best regards, - A.

Help with Iambic Pentameter

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions