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Marcusdurco Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Help with grammar in my Motivation Letter

Hello guys, I am writing a motivation letter in english for an student exchange in Germany, but I am not very good with the grammar, so if somebody could help me correcting my grammar would be very nice and important to me.
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Dear sir...
It is with great expectations that I, Marcus Vinícius Lucinda Durço, apply for the student exchange program of the XXX university for the time that starts at March 2015 and finish at March 2016. Throughout my life I have watched in awe the extent at which mankind keeps pushing its technological boundaries, and so there is no greater aspiration for myself than being able to participate in this continuous progress. This is why your university was my first choice for a student exchange, because once inside it, I will be closer to reach my aspirations.
My academic life started in 2006 in the Mechatronics Engineering course at the Pontifical University Catholic from Minas Gerais (PUC-MG), until the 6th semester, but I wanted to work with robotic and then I started a new course in Control and Automation Engineering at Federal University of Minas Gerais (UFMG), and now I am on the 4 th semester . I chose this course because it has the maximum grade (5/5) in the National Student Proficiency Exam (ENADE), besides the Federal University of Minas Gerais has been on the list at the best universities in the world, and it has an exceptional environment to put into practice our knowledge with high-end technological laboratories.
I worked as computer technician from 2004 until 2012 when I started to work as programmer in the one of the biggest company of Home Automation of Brasil. I worked there for almost one and a half year, and even when I stopped to work there I continued working on this area until the current days as a Freelancer. I have full domain in the Home Automation systems, as well as in the residential security and networking, all of them as integrated systems. Since august 2013 I work on the Computer Systems and Robotics lab in my university, where I have the great oportunity of learn more about robotic.
I believe that the XXX university will provide me an favorable environment for my studies, what I never had before in Brazil because I always needed to work in almost full time. Here I will can dedicate all my time of my studies, and with the resources available in the university, I will be closer to realize my dream that is have the full domain in the robotic area.
Thank you very much in advanced for this opportunity and for considering my application. Considering my experience and skills I believe that your programme will enhance my future career in the field of robotic. I am convinced that I will find a place in all the activities anticipated by your University and I will do my best to adjust to your facilities and courses.
  

Top answer

Here are some suggestions: It is with great expectations that I, Marcus Vinícius Lucinda Durço, apply for the student exchange program of the *** university for the period from March 2015 to March 2016. Throughout my life I have watched in awe the extent at which mankind keeps pushing its technological boundaries, and so there is no greater aspiration for myself than being able to participate in this continuous progress. This is why your university was my first choice for a student exchange, because once inside it , I will be closer to reach ing my aspirations.

  • Here are some suggestions: It is with great expectations that I, Marcus Vinícius Lucinda Durço, apply for the student exchange program of the *** university for the period from March 2015 to March 2016.
  • Throughout my life I have watched in awe the extent at which mankind keeps pushing its technological boundaries, and so there is no greater aspiration for myself than being able to participate in this continuous progress.
  • This is why your university was my first choice for a student exchange, because once inside it , I will be closer to reach ing my aspirations.
  • My academic life started in 2006 in the Mechatronics (?
  • I have never heard this name.
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3 Answers
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Here are some suggestions:

It is with great expectations that I, Marcus Vinícius Lucinda Durço, apply for the student exchange program of the *** university for the period from March 2015 to March 2016. Throughout my life I have watched in awe the extent at which mankind keeps pushing its technological boundaries, and so there is no greater aspiration for myself than being a
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Hi AlpheccaStars,

thanks very much for your help, it was very important to me, and your corrections were very accurate.
Just in the beginning of the 4th paragraph, I wanted to say that I never had a good environment to study before, when I was in Brazil, because I always needed to work there, and I wa
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Here is a suggestion:

I never had the luxury to devote all my time to my studies in Brazil, since I had to work to pay for my living and school expenses. But if I receive your support, my life will be completely transformed: I will be able to be totally immersed in the life of a scholar.

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