Help with cover letter

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HelloI was given an assiment today to write a cover letter. No, I am not looking for a job, I'm just a student (not a native English speaker)Could someone give some tips about mistakes (if any) in text which follows. It took me about 10 minutes to write it down, so I want your opinion about it.Honourable Mr HardingI am writing to you regarding your advertisment for COMPUTER OPERATOR/TYPIST in Hayfield Teignford LTD, published in Daily Telegraph, on Thursday 25th,2003.As it can be seen from my resume and other enclosed materials, my knowledge and capableness completely full-fill your demands for seeking position. Especially, I would like to state that I was among top ten students at my University, and also was nominated and awarded with â??Smart Ass Scholarshipâ?, which is given by the Dean to the most intelligent and perspective students. Soon after my graduation, I was offered a place for Network Administrator in Microsoft UK, LTD, which I genorously accepted. I have stayed there for 5 years, during which I finished specialized course for operating on â??Web Servers 3000â?, improved, new generation web servers.I am highly motivated for this position and my further improving in this field of technology. And I think your company, which is well-known in this branch of industry, is a great and ideal place for realisation of my ideas. I would like to have a personal conversation with you, since I consider that it would be the best way to present and to show You my capabilities. I will contact either you or your assistant to see if this is possible to realise next week.Yours sincerely

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]Honourable Mr Harding I am writing to you regarding your advertisment for COMPUTER OPERATOR/TYPIST in Hayfield Teignford LTD, published in ... possible to realise next week. I am writing to you in response to your advertisment for a Computer Operator/Typist.[/nq]
As may be seen from my resume and other enclosed materials, my knowledge and experience more than meet your stated requirements. I would particularly like to say that I was in the top ten graduates at my University and also won the "Smart *** Scholarship", given by the Dean to the most intelligent and perceptive students.
Soon after my graduation I was offered a position as Network Administrator at Microsoft UK, LTD, which I accepted gladly. I stayed with Microsoft five years and successfully trained in the operation of Web Servers 3000, a new, improved, generation of web servers.
I know your company is a leader in this field of technology and I am highly motivated to learning and improving myself further. I would be very pleased to meet with you personally to discuss your needs and my qualifications and ideas.
Thank you very much for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Bob G

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I am writing to you in response to your advertisment for a Computer Operator/Typist.[/nq]
I am writing in response to your recent advertisement in the Daily Telegraph for a Computer Operator/ Typist.
[nq:1]As may be seen from my resume and other enclosed materials, my knowledge and experience more than meet your stated requirements.[/nq]
As can be seen from my resume and other supporting materials, my training and experience in operating computers and typing are well- suited to the stated requirements for this position.
[nq:1]I would particularly like to say that I was in the top ten graduates at my University and also won the "Smart *** Scholarship", given by the Dean to the most intelligent and perceptive students.[/nq]
My grade point average was among the top ten in my graduating class, and I was a recipient of the Smart *** Scholarship (granted only to those students considered by the Dean to be the most intelligent and perceptive in the class).
[nq:1]Soon after my graduation I was offered a position as Network Administrator at Microsoft UK, LTD, which I accepted gladly. I stayed with Microsoft five years and successfully trained in the operation of Web Servers 3000, a new, improved, generation of web servers.[/nq]
After graduation, I spent five years with Microsoft UK, LTD, as a Network Administrator. While there I received extensive training in Web Servers 3000 a new and improved generation of Web server.
[nq:1]I know your company is a leader in this field of technology and I am highly motivated to learning and improving myself further.[/nq]
I am very interested in the novel approaches to Web server design being taken by your company, and feel that my skills would complement those of your existing personnel.
[nq:1]I would be very pleased to meet with you personally to discuss your needs and my qualifications and ideas. Thank you very much for your consideration.[/nq]
Please do not hesitate to contact me if there is any further information I could provide that would be helpful in your decision- making process.

Usenet · Answer

An aside to the writing style, but employers *do* like to see where the applicant learned of the opening. Many employers run ads in various newspapers and trade mags, and like to know where their ads reach people.
[nq:1]As may be seen from my resume and other enclosed materials, my knowledge and experience more than meet your stated ... my University and also won the "Smart *** Scholarship", given by the Dean to the most intelligent and perceptive students.[/nq]
I can't say that the "intelligent and perceptive" is not the term that would be used in a scholarship, but it certainly sounds odd. If the letter is to be addressed to an American, I'd look for some other term.
[nq:1]Soon after my graduation I was offered a position as Network Administrator at Microsoft UK, LTD, which I accepted gladly. I stayed with Microsoft five years and successfully trained in the operation of Web Servers 3000, a new, improved, generation of web servers.[/nq]
Stayed with? The implication here is that he is no longer with Microsoft UK, was unhappy working there, unwilling to explain why he left, or where he is now. "I have been with" is better if he is still there. If not, he should explain where he is now employed or what he is now doing.
[nq:1]I know your company is a leader in this field of technology and I am highly motivated to learning and improving myself further.[/nq]
Motivated "to"?

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Please do not hesitate to contact me if there is any further information I could provide that would be helpful in your decision- making process.[/nq]
As a former employer that has read hundreds of application letters, I have to mention that there were two phrases that always made me giggle:
Please do not hesitate to..
Enclosed please find..
The first always seemed like a plea to pick up the phone immediately and call the applicant. I always wondered if the writer would allow me to hesitate long enough to finish my coffee or go the toilet.

The second sounded like a game and whatever was enclosed was so well hidden that I had to search for it.
Admittedly, my objection to these phrases came with seeing them so many times.
I preferred the positive: Please let me know if there is any further.. and "My resume is enclosed".

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Please do not hesitate to contact me if there is any further information I could provide that would be helpful in your decision- making process.[/nq]
[nq:1]As a former employer that has read hundreds of application letters, I have to mention that there were two phrases ... many times. I preferred the positive: Please let me know if there is any further.. and "My resume is enclosed".[/nq]
I agree that "Please let me know..." is much better than "Please do not hesitate...". The next time I am supplicating by mail, I will use the former.

Mike Nitabach

Usenet · Answer

(Email Removed) spake thus:=20
[nq:1]Hello I was given an assiment today to write a cover letter. No, I am not looking for a job, ... my capabilities. I wi=ll contact either you or your assistant to see if this is possible to realis=e next week.[/nq]
Nobody's commented on "Honorable". This is not a standard English=20 greeting. "Dear Mr Harding" will be fine.
=20
David
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Nobody's commented on "Honorable". This is not a standard English greeting. "Dear Mr Harding" will be fine.[/nq]
I say, chap, thank you very much.

Remove "prepravi" from e-m@il
Gorjan

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