Help to restructure this short sentence 1

Question

Is there anyway you can rephrase this sentence to sound more academic? Thank you.

Children’s views were also examined, it can be concluded that the children value outdoor play as they were aware of the importance of outdoor play learning. However, the children felt like their parents views determined their access to outdoor area at the early year setting.

The author has learned that children’s views about outdoor play can only be applicable if practitioners understand the importance of outdoor play so as to promote outdoor play learning within the setting.

For further study, questionnaires should be given out to parents to find out their views on outdoor play; this would balance the responses given by practitioners and children. The research could have been carried out at more than one setting to compare results and to arrive at more definitive conclusions; it would have also helped to compare various early years settings and their approach to outdoor play. This study is exhaustive for the length of time allocated, however, further research are continuously carried out in regards to practitioners and children’s views on the value of outdoor play environment.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Nelly
The entire passage is questionable, not just the single sentence in bold. Here is one suggestion, but I am not sure of the author's exact meaning or intention.

In spite of the limited time allocated, the study covers the subject thoroughly. Further research is being carried out on the views of practiioners and children on the value of outdoor play and its environments.

Nellydamz · Answer

Thank you. Is it possible for you to help me correct the remaining if you believe it's questionable?

Thanks,

Nelly

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Nelly:
I have made some comments and asked questions about the meaning.

nellydamzChildren’s views were also examined, it can be concluded that the children value outdoor play as (to the degree that?)they were aware of the importance of (learning in outdoor play?) outdoor play learning. However, the children felt like their parents' views determined their access to outdoor play areas at the early year setting. (the underlined part does not make sense. Years do not set, the sun sets. Does the author mean "when they were younger?" or " in the early part of the year?" or "at all ages?")

The author has learned that children’s views about outdoor play can only be applicable (to learning?) if practitioners understand the importance of outdoor play ~~so as to~~ and then (actively?) promote outdoor play learning within the setting.(not sure about setting - Does the author mean "as supported by the equipment provided and environment in the play area?)

For (To help) further study, questionnaires should be given out to parents to find out their views on outdoor play; this would balance (supplement/reinforce?) the responses given by practitioners and children. The research could have been carried out (Does the author mean that for further study, the research should be extended to other areas or that a limitation of the current research was that it was in only one location? It is not clear from the flow if the idea in the first sentence.) at more than one setting to compare results and to arrive at more definitive conclusions; (full stop) it would have also helped to compare various early years settings (children of different age ranges? seasons in the year? ) and their approach to outdoor play.

Nellydamz · Answer

Thank you. I've corrected it:

Children's views were also examined, even though the children felt their outdoor access was dictated by their parents, they nevertheless valued outdoor play as fun and educational. The author has realised that without a practitioner's understanding, children's views of outdoor play become redundant and the chance to promote outdoor play is lost.

What do you think of my title?

A Study on the value of Outdoor Play: Practitioners and Children’s views.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Nelly:
Good title!

"redundant" means "unnecessary repetition". Do you mean "irrelevant" or "immaterial"?

Nellydamz · Answer

Thanks, it should be irrelevant. The title was also missing an aprostrophe, i've included it. You have been a great help. I wish I can include your name in the acknowledgements. Final help please, are there any errors in my acknowledgements?

The wisdom which allows the author to complete this study comes from the almighty ***. The author would like to thank Birmingham City University lecturers Carole Share and Martin Rider for their help and guidance. My thanks also go to my love, to whom the final form of this research owes so much. It would not have been possible without his support and criticism. Finally I would like to thank my parents for their counsel since the beginning of the programme.

One question, who do i contact if i want this post to be deleted.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The acknowledgements are fine.
The forum guidelines strongly discourage deletions of posts, particularly those with replies.

With your permission, I can edit the acknowledgement and remove the cited names. That is consistent with privacy protection.

Nellydamz · Answer

Can you please edit the acknowledgements as i do not want my lecturer names to appear. If possible, delete the title about outdoor play as i do not want my work to scan through and been suspected of plagarism.

Nellydamz · Answer

Well, i give you the permission to edit and remove the cited names. Thank you.

Help to restructure this short sentence 1

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