help settle a fight?

Question

friend: that thrift store is closing so everythings on sale, the one by the buffet.

i tell him he shoulda said
me: the thrift store by the buffet is closing so everything is on sale.

i get frustrated over this because it is so frequent with him. he starts a sentence with a subject "that store" but doesnt define the important detail "one by the buffet" till the end of the convo. its really frustrating to me because i feel like im left hanging the whole sentence to finaly resolve the mystery of the first subject.

is it correct to say it his way? am i right that its only proper to finish the initial thought (which store?) before proceeding in the sentence?

he is mad at me for questioning him. says hes been talking to people all his life for his sales career so he must be right. this also frustrates me.

sorry for poor spelling and grammar. im using my tiny cheap phone to post this

Fivejedjon · Accepted Answer

phil s (APhilosopher)sorry for poor spelling and grammar. im using my tiny cheap phone to post this

I don't think that's a real excuse for the complete absence of capital letters and apostrophes or such forms as shoulda and convo.

You seem to be trying to apply the standards of formal writing to your friend's conversation. I am not surprised he's mad at you. I am surprised that he continues to speak to you.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

phil s (APhilosopher)he is mad at me for questioning him. says hes been talking to people all his life for his sales career so he must be right

He must not have had a very successful sales career. Frustrated potential customers seldom buy anything.
But you can change your approach, and perhaps subtly "train" him to speak better. You would be doing him a service.

Friend: That thrift store is closing so everything's on sale, the one by the buffet. (It's not a grammatical sentence for an English teacher...)
Me: Do you mean the thrift store in the strip center where we sometimes eat Chinese?

After every incomplete sentence, just ask him for clarification: Do you mean...?

Anonymous · Answer

@fivejedjon:

Did you happen to notice the sub-forum this was posted in is "Listening & Speaking"?

so your right that i am applying more consideration to proper sentence structure verbally then i am cell phone text....

so how about actually answering the question this thread was posted for, otherwise you are off-topic and thus violating this websites T&C's.

if you think standards between verbal speech and cell phone text should be equal then you are naive and foolish, but that doesn't surprise me seeing your apparent age from your profile photo. i wonder how much typing you actually do on a cell phone minus a keyboard day to day. actually scratch that, i couldn't care less.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

phil s (APhilosopher)i wonder how much typing you actually do on a cell phone minus a keyboard day to day.

I never type on my cell phone. It really annoys me when I'm at lunch with someone and they answer or text on their phone. I see families at lunch together at a restaurant and everyone is just looking at a screen and poking at it with their fingers.
It also scares me when I'm driving and see other drivers using their cell phones. I steer clear of them - they are more dangerous than drunks.

My conclusion is that cell phones and texting have made people inordinately impatient, inconsiderate and rude.

Anonymous · Answer

@AlpheccaStars: I agree with your sentiments, unfortunately posting with a cell phone is my only option, rest assured I'm not driving or with anybody at the time

I appreciate your response to the question I asked in the OP, I feel as though I've already tried so many approaches with my partner and I'm always met with the same flippant attitude.

what kind of technical jargon might I be able to use in this situation to help better describe the issue with breaking up a subject to the beginning and end of a sentence rather then defining that subject first before moving on with the sentence? for example I don't feel I'm even summarizing this correctly, that's where I'm struggling, how to describe the issue I'm questioning?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

45calDaveI feel as though I've already tried so many approaches with my partner and I'm always met with the same flippant attitude.

Some people will never change, no matter what you say. It helps to know what would motivate them to change, and how difficult that change will be to effect.
Their flippant attitude can mean that they don't care to change, that they are afraid to change, that they have tried in the past and failed, or they are doing it on purpose to get under your skin. But something like Toastmasters or a public speaking course, or communications course could help him be more convincing as a salesman.

The best short-term solution is for you to change (that's within your power) and accept him the way he is, but continue to ask for clarification.
How committed are you to this partner?

Anonymous · Answer

Over a decade committed, we have our moments but that's not uncommon with any couple i suppose.

I do indeed plan to get over it so to speak and learn to work on my own reaction when these situations frustrate me,

however I do feel like I'm not communicating my feelings well enough for them to understand in matters like these, then again neither does he, I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one making an effort as far as communication goes. This is getting off topic though,

really I'm just wondering if there is a technical way/terminology I can use to communicate the error in holding half of an introduction to use as the closing statement.

I can make another example that has occurred,

"I have to take the truck to the mechanic so I think I'm going to ask him to rotate the tires while I'm there, because the steering is loose."

as opposed to,

"I have to take the truck to the mechanic because the steering is loose, so I think I'm going to ask him to rotate the tires while I'm there."

I know these examples make this sound like a petty thing to bother over, I'm merely trying to use the simplest examples I can for the sake of brevity, in reality this issue becomes most frustrating during long conversations, because they sometimes completely forget to finish their first subject by the end of the lengthy dialogue, or they may even break up multiple subjects this way within the same sentence, also frustrations get compounded with how frequently it occurs.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

45calDaveI know these examples make this sound like a petty thing to bother over

Perhaps this is just your partner's "stream of consciousness" style as opposed to your "precisionist" style. I don't know of a convincing technical response to a stream of consciousness style of communication.
Most peoples' conversations are interlaced with fragments and false starts.

Perhaps a course in learning persuasive speech patterns? This one is for free:
https://www.coursera.org/learn/public-speaking

Anonymous · Answer

@AlpheccaStars: This is actually a very helpful post, thank you.

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