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Anonymous Posted 18 years ago
Letter Writing

help! please... :( personal statement!

0hey guys!!02br
00i'm just working on applications for universities and i'm starting to feel desperate with all those motivation letters and stuff...02br
00i hope one of you can help me with this one and tell me if i made too many mistakes. 05002br
00thanks a lot!!!02br
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00Honestly, I still did not know exactly what I wanted to study, when I was almost done with school. On one hand I was interested in the regular German program of00 00Business Studies (BWL) but on the other hand this idea also did not convince me a hundred percent.02br
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00For that reason I decided to go abroad to gain some international experiences and to develop my personality. That way, I realized how important it is for me, to learn about other cultures, their countries and to be able to communicate, without difficulties, in other languages. As a part of the Aupair-Program where you live and work in an American family environment, you also get to meet and make friends with people from other contries all over the world. I can proudly admit, that those 13 months in the US did not only help me to improve my English language skills a lot, but rather to broaden my horizon in so many ways and to build up my personality and self-confidence. 02br
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00During this time I also did a lot of research concerning the different study courses and I was immediately convinced by the program “International Business”, that combines Business Studies with an international aspect.02br
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00For the fact that being able to speak more than one foreign language fluently is one of my long-lasting aims, I organized a stay abroad in Spain for a total of more than 3 months. In this time I also attended an intensive course in a Spanish Academy and managed to finish this course with 92% in a B1+-level-test. To learn even more about the language, the culture and country I will be going to Spain again in the end of May 2008, for a period of at least 5 weeks.02br
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00I want to study International Business because I do not want to limit my studies to the German economic area but to prepare myself for the international market, to learn and understand economics but to also become a part of it. The chance to study in classes only up to 50 people where the course instructions are a 100% in English, is a big motivation for me and I am looking forward to give proof of my ambition, willingness to perform, learning aptitude and team spirit. 010id5
  

Top answer

02br 01i 00I have stricken out some inappropriate material and underlined other problem areas. ]02b 00 school. 02br 02br 00For that 01u 00reason I02u 00 decided to go abroad to gain some international 01u 00experiences02u 00 and to develop my personality.

  • 02br 01i 00I have stricken out some inappropriate material and underlined other problem areas.
  • ]02b 00 school.
  • 02br 02br 00For that 01u 00reason I02u 00 decided to go abroad to gain some international 01u 00experiences02u 00 and to develop my personality.
  • 01u 00That way02u 00, I realized how important it is for 01u 00me, to02u 00 learn about other 01u 00cultures, their countries and to be able02u 00 to 01u 00communicate, without difficulties, in02u 00 other languages.
  • As a part of the 01u 00Aupair-Program where02u 00 you live and work in an American family environment, you also get to meet and make friends with people from other 01u 00contries02u 00 all over the world.
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2 Answers
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0 .02br
01i00I have stricken out some inappropriate material and underlined other problem areas. You have trouble with commas:02br
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01del00Honestly, 02del00I still did not know exactly what I wanted to 01del00study, when02del00 I was almost done with01b00 [high?]02b
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0 thanks a lot!!!02br
00i just didn't know sometimes how to correct the things you underlined o.O anyway, i tried to fix it a little bit at least!02br
050010id1

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