HELP!!! Please help me with my motivation letter!!!

Hello everyone here! I am applying for a master's degree of economics. I need a motivation letter. However, I am not sure whether I have written it correctly. Help me! Thank you very much!

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Master’s Degree in *** at University of ****. My career ambition is to become an economist in China. To support my application, I will provide my academic background as well as my personal strengths and interests.

I became interested in finance when I was still in primary school. I dare say that my father is the abecedarian leading my way to finance. In the early 1990s, stock market came into the sight of Chinese people for the first time. It was such an amazing thing that made thousands of people fanatic. My father also became a stockholder and paid attention to the share index and price fluctuation everyday. From him, I came to know stock could create a millionaire or a poor wretch in a moment. And since then, I wondered how stock could make the mystery happen as it was not even real asset. Perhaps that is why I choose finance as my major in university.

I have graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree of Economics from Finance Department of ****** University, a key university in China, in June 2003. During my undergraduate studies, I have always maintained a strong record of achievement. I received scholarship every year for my high academic scores, and was also awarded for my excellent social activity. Throughout my academic history and activities, I have demonstrated my intelligence as well as my ability and determination to succeed.

After graduation, I soon became a bank clerk in China **** Bank, definitely the best bank of China. Maybe I could be a good employee if I were still there. However, I quitted because a big chance jumped in front of me and I grasped it. I tenanted a land of about 80000 square meters and founded a planting nursery with some of my friends in the suburb of Nanjing city. With the prosperously developing real estate, our nursery would undoubtedly provide developers trees, bushes and flowers to build their uptown in the long term. This would be very profitable. In the past two years, we planted thousands of ornamental trees, tee plants and three varieties of grapes. We also bred poultry, livestock, fishes and shrimp to meet our short term need so that we could make both ends meet. During the whole planning and management, I found my knowledge in economics and finance is quite useful. Among the three founders, I was the only one whose major was related to financial management. As a result, it was my duty to analyze and deal with the financial data, even establish a model of our financial system. Though my knowledge was limited, I was eager to learn new things. Our planting nursery has almost been in perfect order under our two years’ elaboration. Still, through this period, I began to realize that my interest and advantage were in the field of research, while not merely in ordinary management. I enjoyed the pleasure when I tackled a problem, such as handling the complicated financial data or making an advisable investment. However, my knowledge of economics and finance is limited, so I decided to pursue a higher degree of economics.

I am always willing to go abroad to see the outside world. Switzerland, with many international organization and famous financial institute, is a financial center of the world. Owning to its high quality of education, it is an ideal country for me to further my study. After months of cogitation, I determined to apply for graduate study in University of **** which has international academic reputation in economics and provides all students with equality. Above all, it can provide me with the most important things for graduate education: distinguished faculty, first class facilities, research opportunities and competitive fellow students.

I am looking forward to joining your graduate school, where I would devote all to fulfill my dream and which I would bring honor to, if admitted. Thank you for your attention to my application.

Yours faithfully,

Lanina