Help Please correct a essay :)

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Hello i would like that someone could correct this little essay please:

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The United States of America in recently moments of occidental civilization and in the last 400 years are a oasis in this World. Despite of USA are a new country with less than 400 years of existence, it is a great country and the most influent state in whole world, where all want to be, to grow up and to live and be happy because is a country of big opportunities for everyone, regardless of religion, race or even belief what unfortunately in many countries is a big problem because people aren’t free to be able to chose a religion or a different way. I never have been in many countries, I just travel to Europe to a few countries so I have a bit of international experience and this is a great opportunity to travel to a awesome country like USA, a place where everyone want to be, to find the famous American dream and be happy the rest of their lives. With this experience I maybe could learn about that and bring to Portugal some of this philosophy of life that is so search by so many people in the whole world. I my personal opinion United States are a different World inside The World itself, because despite of is so different of other cultures like European but Europeans like Dutch English and French that built “The New World”. It’s a country where entrepreneurship is very important and it’s a way to achieve success and glamour in life. It is the country where everything happens, where everyone can be whatever they want and be happy. Everything beggan in year 1492, when Christopher Columbus, a Portuguese explorer with Spanish navy arrive in Caribbean. The World would never be the sameJ. In the following years Dutch, Spanish, and other European cultures fight to conquer North America and the land where today is Mexico, United States of America and Canada. In 1776 United States of America become a independent country and in 4 July 1789 George Washington was proclaimed official The First President of United States of America. It was a historic day that change whole world. Since that time USA has been present in all big decision of humanity, in all important treaties and in all political, economic and cultural events because America is not only the greatest country but it is also the richest country in the World. I’0m a person that love history and I’m fascinated by greatest events in humanity through the years and I would love be in the place where this events where been. It’s like a dream travel across a country that leading the world and in professional way is a awesome experience learn how to work in richest nation, where people work and study with perseverance and achieve success with worth which is a big difference to Portugal where we are a country with a lot to learn from the best to grow up not only in economic but also in moral values. It’s because of that this experience would be magic for me. Thank You Very Much.

Thank You very Much

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi Rafa;
I have made some suggestions and highlighted some words that need attention. It still needs to go though several drafts, because my changes did not fix everything.

Regards,
A-

s

The United States of America in recently moments of occidental civilization
(The verb is missing from this clause. It does not make sense.)

and in the last 400 years has become ~~are~~ an oasis in this World.

Despite the fact that the USA is a new country with less than 400 years of existence, it is a great country and the most influent state in whole world, where all want to be, to grow up and to live and be happy because is a country of big opportunities for everyone, regardless of religion, race or even belief what unfortunately in many countries is a big problem because people aren’t free to ~~be able to~~ choose a religion or a different way. (This is a run-on sentence. It is too long. Make shorter sentences.)

I never have been in many countries; I just travel (have travelled) to Europe to a few countries (to a few contries in Europe) so I have a bit of international experience and this is a great opportunity to travel to a awesome country like USA, a place where everyone wants to be, to find the famous American dream and be happy the rest of their lives. (This is a run-on sentence. It is too long. Make shorter sentences.)
With this experience I maybe could learn about that and bring to Portugal some of this philosophy of life that is so sought ~~search~~ by so many people in the whole world. In my personal opinion, the United States is a different world inside the world itself, because despite of ~~is so~~ its difference with of other cultures like European
but Europeans like Dutch English and French that built “The New World”. (Thie main clause has no verb.) It’s a country where entrepreneurship is very important and it’s a way to achieve success and glamour in life. It is the country where everything happens, where everyone can be whatever they want and be happy. Everything beggan in year 1492, when Christopher Columbus, a Portuguese explorer with the Spanish navy, arrive in the Caribbean. The world would never be the same. In the following years Dutch, Spanish, and other European cultures fight to conquer North America and the land where today is Mexico, United States of America and Canada are. In 1776 United States of America become a independent country and in 4 July 1789 George Washington was proclaimed officially the first President of United States of America. It was a historic day that change whole world. Since that time USA has been present in all big decisions of humanity, in all important treaties and in all political, economic and cultural events because America is not only the greatest country but it is also the richest country in the World. I’m a person who ~~that~~ loves history and I’m fascinated by the greatest events in humanity through the years and I would love to be in the place where these ~~this~~ events have taken place ~~where been~~. It’s like a dream travel across a country that leading the world, and in a professional way it would be an ~~is a~~ awesome experience to learn how to work in richest nation, where people work and study with perseverance and achieve success, ~~with worth~~ which is a big difference to Portugal, ~~where we are~~ a country with a lot to learn from the best in order to to grow up not only in economic but also in moral values. It’s because of that that this experience would be magic for me.

Rafa86 · Answer

Thank You very Much. Resally Thank You

Rafa86 · Answer

hello can you help me again with this essay please? Thanks:)

I think that I can bring so many excellent things from United States of America to Portugal, that I can’t write all this issues right now in just 500 words. First of all USA is the country where are the smartest people in the world. US Government since XIX century can bring great people that born in other countries to US. Geniuses like Einstein, and other great scientists who born outside States and naturalized American citizens, is the real proof USA offers the best knowledge in all World. The most important technologies uses everyday were invented and created in USA, like Internet, Cars, Cell Phones, Computers, etc. Our life without America would be very poor. Inclusively in my area of studies, engineering, USA are the leading of all the best technology in the world, since informatics to mechanic and medicinal technologies that can improve the life of humanity. Per example GPS is a great tool which I work with it, and GPS was invented in USA by US Government in 1979 to help military operation all over the world. Obviously in five weeks I could learn so many things that after bring so many new ideas to adapt to Portugal and to the Portuguese reality. I can bring not only life experiences but also concrete issues like better ways to work and study and learn some of mine fellows in University. If I will travel to USA I will bring some of professional aspects that make US the Greatest nation in whole World, in the last 300 years of humanity. People there are more disciplinant than in Portugal, so with my achievements in contact with people from all whole the world I can teach my friends and parent to have a better behavior with life or work to make them happier than before. When one people is in contact with more cultures learn always something, because experience talking and arguing with different opinion not only us but also those peoples can reach something fabulous and improve their level of ideas and know how. And it’s that I will make with this summer course if I win this fantastic and unique opportunity to be in this awesome country during five weeks. It would be something that would change my life a lot because I never have been in contact with so many different kinds of people, during so many weeks and so far from home. Personally will learn a lot of thing and then I will answer all questions of people i know who want receive something from my extraordinaire experience in United States of America.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Rafa86;
Please study the corrections I made before. You are making the same mistakes again. I did not mark all the places that need attention. You will have to revise it carefully, paying attention to details like subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, capitalization and the use of the.
Regards,
A-

s

I think that I can bring so many excellent things from United States of America to Portugal, that I can’t write all this issues (this is singular) right now in just 500 words. First of all, the USA is the country where ~~are~~ the smartest people in the world are (the word orderr you wrote is for questions, not statements). The US government since ~~XIX~~ the nineteenth century can bring great people who were ~~that~~ born in other countries to US. Geniuses like Einstein, and other great scientists who were born outside the States and became naturalized American citizens, is the real proof that the USA offers the best knowledge in the~~all~~ world. The most important technologies uses everyday were invented and created in USA, like the Internet, cars, cell phones, computers, etc. Our life without America would be very poor. ~~Inclusively~~ In my area of studies, engineering, the USA are the leading of all the best technology in the world, since informatics to mechanic and medicinal technologies that can improve the life of humanity. Per example GPS is a great tool which I work with it, and GPS was invented in the USA by the US Government in 1979 to help military operations all over the world. Obviously in five weeks I could learn so many things that after bring so many new ideas to adapt to Portugal and to the Portuguese reality. I can bring not only life experiences but also concrete issues like better ways to work and study and learn some of mine fellows in University. If I will travel to USA I will bring some of professional aspects that make US the greatest nation in whole world, in the last 300 years of ~~humanity~~civilization. People there are more disciplinant than in Portugal, so with my achievements in contact with people from all whole the world I can teach my friends and parent to have a better behavior with life or work to make them happier than before.

When one people is in contact with more cultures learn (what is the subject?) always something, because experience talking and arguing with different opinion not only us but also those peoples can reach something fabulous and improve their level of ideas and know how. (this sentence has many problems. Can you re-write it?)
And it’s that I will make with this summer course if I win this fantastic and unique opportunity to be in this awesome country during five weeks. It would be something that would change my life a lot because I never have been in contact with so many different kinds of people, during so many weeks and so far from home. Personally will learn a lot of thing and then I will answer all questions of people i know who want receive something from my extraordinaire experience in United States of America.

Rafa86 · Answer

Thank You very much one more time.

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