help please????????

i have a deadliine for 2 days and would like to correct my letter can someone please help.Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in applying for a Bachelor Degree in-------- at the ---------- for the 2012/2013 winter semester.

After finishing High school in -------- in (year),i decided to come to Germany and join my family. Because of the language difference I decided to take some German course and at that time was lucky to find a job as an English-speaking kindergarten teacher at an International pre-school where I received first-hand experience in organization, teamwork and responsibility .It was interesting and fun and therefore decided to study further and qualified to get a Montessori Diploma. The working experience strengthened my creativity, team spirit, goal orientation, selfconfidence and responsibility.

Although I enjoyed my work, I needed more challenge and has always wanted to study engineering.
Due to my Uncle´s influence who is a civil engineer and a role model for me, I learned that an engineer as a person is creative, problem solver (strong engineering candidate should enjoy and excel at problem solving), decision taker and team worker (Engineers are often involved with managing large complex projects so the person likely to make a good engineer will probably like working with others as part of a team.), fortunately I can see these parameters on myself. Engineering influences, all aspects of our day to day lives for example our infrastructure and its system.

Germany, has an excellent reputation worldwide for its leading position in research and developments, as well as being a high quality education provider ,bearing one of the Elite Universities in (Town) ,(name of uni). This is the reason why am taking this opportunity to fulfill my dream and would like to get the opportunity to visit the university. (Name of uni) organizes various courses for international students, who are open-minded, want to widen their academic horizon and get new experiences. Each course includes workshops and visits to state of the art( uni )research labs, an intensive German language course and social and cultural activities in --- During the studies, you get courses that introduces you to innovations and international cooperation for example in scientific computing, project management and bioinformatics from some of the world leading high-tech industries like ----- which contributes to a deeper understanding of the modern German society.