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My english writing is pretty poor, so i would like u to help me check this article, and tell me how to improve it, thanks!

It is often difficult for people to decide whether the family is the most important influence on young adults or friends are the most important influence on young adults. Personally, I would prefer friends are the most important influence on young adults.
There are numerous reasons why friends are the most important influence on young adults. I would in here explain the most important ones. The main reason is that we cant have parents company all the time, but friends are everywhere exist, we get alone with them and learn form them. It can be given a concrete example: when we saw some young boys and girls on the street, they are all in small group, sometimes four in a group, sometimes three. The interest thing is that if one in this group is smoking, others will acting the same way. That’s also why parents always worry about kid’s friends.
In addition, when we get alone with friends, we know how to do things in a appropriate way. I remember when I was in middle school, I had a very close friend. We did a lot of thing together, like smoking and fighting. Begging , I felt so funny and excited. One time when I saw her was smoking and fighting with another, I knew there something right, it was not what I am expected. So, I quit.
As a result, friends like a mirror in our life, they can help us to know us better, and influence the way we are. So, we may draw the conclusion that the friends are the most important influence on young adult.

Nona the brit · Accepted Answer

Hello,

This is not a bad attempt and your English spelling is good. You just need to organise your thoughts a little better and tidy up the grammar. A few hints for you

Paragraph one:
..whether their family or friends are the greatest influence on young adults. No need to repeat the 'greatest influence part'. The use of 'prefer' is not appropriate here. Try to re-phrase this sentence.

Paragraph two: Check your verb tenses.

Paragraph three: This doesn't quite make sense in a couple of places. What do you mean by begging? When you saw her smoking and fighting, you did not think it was right did you? Then what did you quit - smoking or being her friend?

Paragraph four; again your verbs need sorting out in this one.

When you are writing this type of essay, you need to explore both sides equally, then finish with your conlusion of which you think is strongest.

XEnOn · Answer

It is often difficult for people to decide whether family members or friends are more influencial to adolescent(young adults). Personally, I would say friends are the more capable ones. Numerous reasons could tell us why friends are more influencial. Firstly, we have most of our time with our friends than with our family members. Secondly, we humans are tend to follow what people from our surroundings do.

For instance, I had a very close friend when I was in high school. We did whatever things which we once thought were heroic - from smoking to fighting. I was only enlightened at a later age. That was when I started to know what are the truly heroic deeds and stopped.

We could actually say that friends around us are like our mirrors. We were influenced by them and vice versa. They will be what we use to see ourselves. We will then infer from the "mirrors" that we see - Pick up what is good and stop what is bad.
In conclusion, I conclude that friends are the ones who can influence adolescents most.

This is what I had rewritten from what you had. Hopefully there isn't any mistakes. Could nona help me to check if there are any?
I just find that the third paragraph doesnt connect to the second.
Thanks

Guest · Answer

thanks for your help, it's really helpful information for me!

Nona the brit · Answer

Hi xenon,

Here are my suggestions for your version.

It is often difficult for people to decide whether family members or friends are more influencial to adolescent(young adults). I think 'have greater influence over' is more natural. Pick either young adults or adolescents or teenagers. Personally, I would say friends are the more capable ones. capable is not quite right here. If you want to avoid using influential again, try mentioning 'peer presure'. Numerous reasons could tell us why friends are more influencial. Break for another paragraph hereFirstly, we have most spend more of our time with our friends than with our family members. Secondly, we humans are cut humans are tend to follow what people from our surroundings around us do.

For instance example, I had a very close friend when I was in high school. We did whatever things which we once thought were heroic this doesn't sound quite right- from smoking to fighting. I was only enlightened at a later age. That was when I started to know what are the truly heroic deeds move 'are' to after 'deeds' and stopped.

We could actuallyunecessary word say that friends around us are like our mirrors. We were are influenced by them and vice versa. They will be what we use to see ourselves. We will then infer from the "mirrors" that we see - Pick up what is good and stop what is bad this sentence needs a little work.
In conclusion, I conclude you only need to conclude once that friends are the ones who can influence adolescents most.

To be balanced you should look at the arguments about family, and then demolish them if you wish. You shouldn't have your conclusion already made before examining both sides of the argument.

Nice try.

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