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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
Help on reviewing a short text
Hello everyone,
I have a scene in which two armored guards are dragging one man to cast him down into an abandoned cave. The following lines are spoken by a narrator ( the cave guard ) who is watching the whole thing.
"I have learned that using a Warhammer does not speed up the process of building a place: a home to safely dwell.
Using violence to build a shack always results in a chaotic mess...
the armors that ward off pain also ward off light, and beneath them is Hell in its heat and darkness.
a General giving commands with a skyward sword, is surely threatening the Heavens with the tip of his puny blade.
but unimpressive little sermons like these are useless... for when the truly sick ones awaken, the only wisdom, is in war and murder!"
Please rate the text in terms of fluency, consistency and logic.
Thank you.
I have a scene in which two armored guards are dragging one man to cast him down into an abandoned cave. The following lines are spoken by a narrator ( the cave guard ) who is watching the whole thing.
"I have learned that using a Warhammer does not speed up the process of building a place: a home to safely dwell.
Using violence to build a shack always results in a chaotic mess...
the armors that ward off pain also ward off light, and beneath them is Hell in its heat and darkness.
a General giving commands with a skyward sword, is surely threatening the Heavens with the tip of his puny blade.
but unimpressive little sermons like these are useless... for when the truly sick ones awaken, the only wisdom, is in war and murder!"
Please rate the text in terms of fluency, consistency and logic.
Thank you.
Top answer
Anonymous I have learned that using a Warhammer does not speed up the process of building a place— a home to safely dwell in . Using violence to build a shack always results in cha os/a mes s. Anonymous T he armors that ward off pain also ward off light, and beneath them is h ell in with (all) its heat and darkness.
- Anonymous I have learned that using a Warhammer does not speed up the process of building a place— a home to safely dwell in .
- Using violence to build a shack always results in cha os/a mes s.
- Anonymous T he armors that ward off pain also ward off light, and beneath them is h ell in with (all) its heat and darkness.
- Anonymous A g eneral giving commands with a skyward swor d is surely threatening the h eavens with the tip of his puny blade.
- Anonymous ...
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2 Answers
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AnonymousI have learned that using a Warhammer does not speed up the process of building a place— a home to safely dwell in. Using violence to build a shack always results in chaos/a mess.
AnonymousThe armors that ward off pain also ward off light, and beneath them is hellinwith (all)
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AnonymousI have a scene in which two armored guardsThis is weird. Did you mean armed? http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/armed
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