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Milk & Cereal Posted 19 years ago
Grammar
help on poem pls?
1 i 00 Liberation Day 02 i 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 9 o'clock 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Stands for an hour of life. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Like a time taken from the history book of being liberated out of Egypt. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 I spotted at the chunk of emptiness void at the front of the cage. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 From a distance the tongue was sending missiles at my ear, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 reading from a globe it says, "My dear friends, from now on, you are free, you are liberated by the Allied Forces." 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 When I saw to left and right, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Across the faces of people had trails of tears 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 I wiped my ailing pale complexion skin as tears flowed freely in the air 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 as of painting the ground that onced I was trapped under. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Jumping, huggingm and kissing filled the air. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 And Everybody was running to these golden strangers with a white star on their cap, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 lifting and carrying them on their shoulder around the block. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 It was a holy day, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Yet still people did not believe and still afraid 02 b 00 . 02 br
02 br
00 pls if you can feedback on it, my project is graded on sensory detail, figurative/descriptive language, grammar. What can i improve on and my mistakes are, im a begginer at writing poems, thx in advance. 0-
02 br
01 b 00 9 o'clock 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Stands for an hour of life. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Like a time taken from the history book of being liberated out of Egypt. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 I spotted at the chunk of emptiness void at the front of the cage. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 From a distance the tongue was sending missiles at my ear, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 reading from a globe it says, "My dear friends, from now on, you are free, you are liberated by the Allied Forces." 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 When I saw to left and right, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Across the faces of people had trails of tears 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 I wiped my ailing pale complexion skin as tears flowed freely in the air 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 as of painting the ground that onced I was trapped under. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Jumping, huggingm and kissing filled the air. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 And Everybody was running to these golden strangers with a white star on their cap, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 lifting and carrying them on their shoulder around the block. 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 It was a holy day, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Yet still people did not believe and still afraid 02 b 00 . 02 br
02 br
00 pls if you can feedback on it, my project is graded on sensory detail, figurative/descriptive language, grammar. What can i improve on and my mistakes are, im a begginer at writing poems, thx in advance. 0-
Top answer
0 It has a very interesting cadence. I like it. You may be a poet (or maybe not).
- 0 It has a very interesting cadence.
- I like it.
- You may be a poet (or maybe not).
- 0-
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1 Answers
0
0 It has a very interesting cadence. I like it. You may be a poet (or maybe not). I will fix some of the grammar and punctuation and suggest a couple of words: 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 9 o'clock 02 b 02 br
01 b 00 stands for an hour of life, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 like time taken from the history book of being liberated from out
02 br
01 b 00 9 o'clock 02 b 02 br
01 b 00 stands for an hour of life, 02 b 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 like time taken from the history book of being liberated from out
0
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