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Anonymous Posted 17 years ago
Grammar

Help on correcting...

I was reading over a paper I had and came along a part that, to me, seemed to be incorrect. Maybe it isn't wrong but just seems sloppy and should be written differently. If it's fine the way it is then maybe it's just me.

"The study from Eurosurveillance, a European journal devoted to epidemiology, surveillance, prevention and control of communicable diseases, places the beginning of the CDC's campaign around the first full week in October and the peak of the swine flu season around this week, leaving only about three weeks for vaccines to be delivered."
Any criticism would be much aprreciated. Thanks!
  

Top answer

My quick take is that it is actually correct grammar, but it goes on and on and on, and is hard to read. Long sentences like this need really superior organization or they do not work well. week.

— Jemaasjr

  • My quick take is that it is actually correct grammar, but it goes on and on and on, and is hard to read.
  • Long sentences like this need really superior organization or they do not work well.
  • week.
  • This leaves only about three weeks...
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2 Answers
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My quick take is that it is actually correct grammar, but it goes on and on and on, and is hard to read. Long sentences like this need really superior organization or they do not work well. At the very least I would split that last little bit off, as,

...week. This leaves only about three weeks...
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The description of the journal adds greatly to the confusion of the sentence. Using em-dashes or even parantheses to set that description off from the rest of the sentence, instead of commas, would have helped tremendously.

The "this" was a bit of a confusion for me as well.
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