ＮＥＥＤHELP!!!!! on a motivation letter pleaseeee assist me !!

Hi guys!! i realy need help in geting some valueable advice on how to improve this motivation letter please help as the applciation closes at the 31 st Dec. I don’t have much time PLEASEEE HELP!!!

THANKS IN ADVANCEE

( my address)

(date)

(receiver)

Dear sir/madam, I am writing to apply a work experience place at The Royal Melbourne Hospital in the department of allied health between 24th of June 2013 to the 28th of June 2013. I am currently a year nine student at **** high school and going to be in year ten next year (2013). From a very young age, I have always been motivated to assist the needy, I feel pleasure after I have helped people and because of this deep passion of helping people and finding happiness in people’s happiness, I want to pursue a career in the medical field and I believe that this work experience will give me an insight of what it is like to work in a place where many people in need are always getting help from passionate, caring and attentive personnel. I understand that you may not be able to accommodate five days for me due to the limited positions so I would even appreciate a day or so working at Royal Melbourne Hospital.

I very much look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

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THANKYOUUUUUU