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Mathias25 Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Help on a essay, please

Topic: Most high-level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women?

According to "The National poll" made every year in Chile, more than the 70% of high-level jobs are worked by men. Sexism has existed since prehistory, fact that contribute to be a common and unfair problem for women. Therefore, the government should care for women, for example supporting them reserving a certain number of jobs for them. Also, because in relation with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, all humans should have equal rights.

First of all, during prehistory the man was the only person in charge of important jobs, such as hunting, fighting for their territory, etc. This fact produces that women be isolated from the importance that humans have, mainly because they were not considered as important as men, fact that has been denied by the uncountable labors that women have done through history. Therefore, the authorities should care for them by giving them better jobs.

Secondly, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights stipulate series of rights to each human to care about theirselves in order to prevent horrible situations seemed between humans, like the ones happened during the Second World War. By this reason, why should not we also worry about women? , considerating that they are also human.

Appreciating the isolation realized towards women during prehistory and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights that gave equal rights to everyone, the government should help women to let them have also high-level jobs like men.
  

Top answer

This is not well written at all. I don't think you're ready for essay writing yet. You should focus more on writing good (grammatical and natural) basic sentences in English at this stage.

  • This is not well written at all.
  • I don't think you're ready for essay writing yet.
  • You should focus more on writing good (grammatical and natural) basic sentences in English at this stage.
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2 Answers
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This is not well written at all. I don't think you're ready for essay writing yet. You should focus more on writing good (grammatical and natural) basic sentences in English at this stage.
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Thank you by answering but, could you name which parts of the essay are written bad please?

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